Today we discuss one more personal story of OCD. Like Sammy in the previous profile, Jared Douglas Kant first experienced debilitating OCD symptoms as a young pre-teen. Also, like Sammy, Jared was a bright kid with lots of creative ideas. Where Sammy was strong in math (to the point of having a mild reading and language disability), Jared was strong in language (to the point of having a mild math disability).

“[M]ost of my memories from being younger seem to center around a knowledge that I was somehow special. . . .

I loved to read; I was reading at a twelfth-grade level in the first grade. . . . I was computer literate in kindergarten. . . . I grew up in an affluent community with a loving, hard-working family.

I realize now that I had some peculiarities, but they didn’t seem to cause much of a problem. I was useless at team sports, but I could hold my own in any discussion. . . .

Essentially, aside from being a horribly picky eater, overly shy, and constantly mindful of a desire to remain clean at all times, I was a normal kid. I suppose they really mean it when they say puberty changes everything.

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

Jared’s first recognizable symptoms appeared at the age of 11. He begins to worry that merely touching books he is reading about the Ebola virus will cause him to get the disease. He begins washing his hands more often. He has a precise route by which he has to enter and leave the junior high school building. He begins to express vocal “tics,” unusual noises that he feels compelled to produce, much like a person feels a need to sneeze.

Jared’s journey is a tough one. He is institutionalized twice. His parents force him to attend a therapeutic boarding school. He contemplates suicide. Eventually, by embracing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) as well as a love of martial arts, he gains control over his condition and graduates high school and college with honors. He now is a research fellow at the International OCD Foundation and is pursuing a graduate degree in social work.

Jared wrote a memoir of his experiences with OCD, a condition he continues to struggle with today, in The Thought That Counts: A Firsthand Account of One Teenager’s Experience with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. The book is co-written by Martin Franklin, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and writer Linda Wasmer Andrews. Throughout the book, Jared’s personal anecdotes are woven together with OCD reference information. It’s a fact-based sourcebook for teenagers and young adults on OCD with a personal touch.

Jared’s story adds a couple of key details to our OCD discussion.

The most touching aspects of this book are the numerous descriptions of people who were Jared’s supporters during some very difficult and embarrassing times.

“OCD was unpredictable, awkward and embarrassing. It would crop up in the most inconvenient places—although I think it’s safe to say there’s really no such thing as a good place for an OCD attack.”

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

In junior high, when Jared suddenly finds himself in the mortifying position of having an episode of vocal tics while standing in the junior high school lobby filled with students, a surprising thing happens:

“Then my friend Jessica came over and saved my dying social life. Jessica had a gorgeous smile with a personality and body to match. The whole school loved her. What most people didn’t know was that Jessica had OCD with a side order of Tourette’s syndrome . . . . Jessica was a master at camouflaging her symptoms. At school, she clapped her hands under the desk but by using only one hand like a clamshell snapping shut, she minimized the noise. She also licked her lips frequently but by applying fresh lip gloss afterward, she simply seemed like a connoisseur of lip care products.

We moved down the hall, away from the other students. Then I collapsed, crying softly, and Jessica cradled me. My friend Brad, who was the size of a house but all muscle and heart, stood guard as my personal bouncer. I was safe and saved.”

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

. . . “[T]he locker became my personal refuge. I went there to hide, to count, to cry alone –in short to do whatever it was that other people didn’t need to see. Before long, hiding in my locker had become a compulsive ritual. . . .

As you can probably guess, the day finally came when I was observed by a group of people as I emerged from my hiding spot . . . To my surprise, a popular kid in the class thought this was the coolest thing he had ever seen. Most people just skipped class by travelling the halls. I actually had a place to hang out and listen to music. I gained a reputation as something of a contortionist and I ran with it. It was a whole lot better than being an outcast.”

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

“I wasn’t comfortable changing into my gym clothes. . . . I also had to dress according to very specific rules. If I put on my socks before my shorts, which I was prone to do because I was so repulsed by the dirty floor, then I would have to undress completely and start the process all over again. Needless to say, I was almost always late to gym class.

One day it went too far, even by OCD standards . . . . When I finally snapped out of it, I realized, much to my confusion and distress, that I wasn’t wearing any clothes except for my socks and shoes. . . . Finally, I collapsed onto the floor crying. . . .

At that moment, the coach happened to go into his office, and he heard me cry out. He came into the locker room, concerned and confused. . . .He came over, knelt beside me, and wiped my tears until I looked up in choking sobs. . . .

Another student—a good-hearted friend who cared about my condition and wanted to help—wandered into the locker room. . . . The coach told my friend to contact the other gym teachers and explain that the boys’ locker room was temporarily closed . . . The coach sat with me and coached me through getting dressed. He assured me that no harm would befall me or anyone else if I opened my locker and finished putting on my clothes. . . . I thanked God for this man who had wandered through by sheer providence and helped me overcome the immobilizing effects of anxiety.”

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

One eye-opening anecdote he shares has to do with “harming obsessions.”

“It was during my junior year of high school that I experienced my most horrific and terrifying obsessions. . . . For instance, in the middle of a conversation with my best friend Corinne, I would suddenly see myself burying a hatchet in her chest. . . . I also developed a fear that if I didn’t tell my therapist every single thing I had done the entire day, it would turn out that I had omitted the part where I killed someone and left the body in the woods. . . Sometimes in the middle of a therapy session, I would tell my therapist that I was afraid I was going to hit him or do him bodily harm. . . . “

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

Wow! If you knew that your child’s classmate, a co-worker or someone else you closely associate with was having these kinds of thoughts, it would be extremely scary to most of us. “He’s mentally unstable and violent too!,” we might think. It turns out in the case of OCD, we would most likely be wrong! Apparently these types of harming obsessions are relatively common among OCD individuals. The people are not violent but rather are deathly afraid that they could be violent and they obsess about it and have these very unusual and graphic thoughts. Should you ever experience this unique situation in a school or work setting, it is still appropriate to act with caution and request clarification on the individual from a mental health expert but it is also important to know that not every violent thought is indeed a real risk.

Another interesting detail revealed by this book is that it is not uncommon for OCD individuals to refuse to participate in the very therapies that would help them the most. A form of cognitive-behavioral therapy called exposure and response prevention is one of the most effective treatments for OCD. The problem is that this therapy requires the OCD individual to experience the things that they fear the most—a hard sell indeed.

“These days, parents of young people diagnosed with OCD ask me what they can do to get their kids to participate fully in therapy. I tell these parents that they have to accept their powerlessness over the situation. . . . No one—not even your parents—can force recovery onto you.”

–Jared Douglas Kant, The Thought That Counts

You can hear more about Jared’s story from the man himself in the video below. Fast forward to the 43:07 mark for his recent presentation for OCD Awareness Week.

OCD Awareness Week – OCD Stories part 1 from International OCD Foundation on Vimeo.

I think we can all appreciate how much courage it took to write such an honest memoir.  It is sure to be an empowering read for many newly diagnosed OCD patients.  Please share your thoughts in the comments.