We are having one of the snowiest winters in memory this year in Virginia. Another 3-ish inches fell last night and more is on the way this weekend. Having grown up in a wintry state, I am really enjoying all this snow. It makes the landscape so beautiful and quiet. For some, the snow causes panic and uncertainty. Yesterday, having been busy on a project for days and not paying attention to the news, I got up and drove my daughter to preschool only to find the parking lot completely empty. School was closed for the day because of the threat of snow later in the evening.
People from wintry states find Virginia’s response to snow somewhat amusing. Even the President has remarked that the area could use some “flinty Chicago toughness.”
It is a perfect, still morning to issue the Ruly Challenge for this month.
The Challenge: Document your perfectionism this month in writing. Pay attention to the decisions or actions that you have unduly agonized over, the projects you can’t seem to start because you are worried the finished product will not be good enough, and the small details you are fussing over. For an objective perspective, ask someone close to you to note the projects you seem to have spent too much time on or the ones you can’t seem to start (or finish) to share with you at the end of the month.
At the end of the month, you should have a fairly large list of things. Some of your items will be things that you perhaps should be a little perfectionist about. Some you might want to think twice about. The purpose of the challenge is to heighten our awareness of our own perfectionist tendencies. By the end of the month, you should have learned a bit about how your perfectionism is impacting your relationships with others and how to cope with perfectionist tendencies in yourself and others.
If you would like a Ruly worksheet to guide you in your diary efforts, you can find one here.
With regard to the friend/spouse observation, having just showed the worksheet to my spouse who commented that the worksheet was a “recipe for an argument,” you might want to tell your friend/spouse to keep the observations very specific and limit them to the facts only. For example, instead of “You spend too much time on your hair.” (a judgment) the observer might write about a specific instance, “Spent 45 minutes on hairstyle before we could leave for dinner on 2/7.” (a fact). As the research subject, develop a little of a thick skin about this. Pick someone you know has only your best interests at heart and who is allowed to tease you sometimes for your imperfections (and perfections).
Remember to laugh about the items that end up in your diary. They are not things that should make us feel bad about ourselves but insights into the lovable neuroses that we have. It’s OK to say, “I am completely neurotic about _____ and I always will be.” It is helpful for you to recognize this and be able to laugh about it. It is helpful for others to know it too so they can adjust their response appropriately.
Game for the challenge? Who will you select as your observer? Please share in the comments.
Okay–so in general I’m probably one of the most laid back people ever! It’s a good thing I married a very perfectionist husband (who is pilot–refer to the 1st Ruly blog on perfectionism)–and so the house is very neat overall except for my small piles of randomness-which if it were up to him wouldn’t exist. But that’s how it goes sometimes! (note the non-perfectinist tone in that!) The main and almost only thing I am a perfectionist about is my food and cooking. I will buy the most expensive ingredients–hopefully waiting for a sale–but my imported Irish butter almost never goes on sale so there’s $4.50 a pound right there I won’t give up. And now none of the local stores stock it—so I’m about to pay a fortune to have it SHIPPED to me—but again, that’s how it goes sometimes in my perfect search for amazing butter for spreading on bread! However–one of Ruly’s first blogs was a challenge to eat out of your house/cupboards to use up ingredients. The $ figures presented were such an eye-opener that I actually try to more consciously do that more often. It doesn’t always result in the most amazing meal—or with 1 or 2 extra ingredients from the store it does. But I am MUCH more conscious of trying to find recipes now to use up leftovers that it’s been a huge plus in that department.
Oh, GOSH. I just read this and have been laughing and laughing. I don’t have enough time in the day to make a list like this! LOL And I definitely wouldn’t let my husband be my observer, either! I am WAY too much of a perfectionist… and I think I’m okay with that.
Although, I have been reading your subsequent posts and I think I could definitely take a page from you and make an effort! Or, at least, be more aware of it.
Also, this post reminded me that after 11 years of marriage, I still haven’t assembled my wedding album because I don’t want to do it any less than perfectly.