r u l y

Is it just me or is it unbelievable that it is already the end of January!   This month at Ruly we focused on goals and goal-setting strategies.  We learned from a variety of voices about how to set and achieve goals, summarized below:

• Kevin Roberts: “Don’t do stuff you know you don’t like.”
• Robert F. Mager: Goals should be people-based and stated in the positive.
• Regina Bogomolova: an inspiring example of a small business owner working hard to achieve her goals
• Martin Luther King Jr.: reminds us that no worthwhile goal is ever “impossible”
• Ruly Ruth: shared 2010 anti-goals for social interactions
• Jamie Smith: jazzed us up to achieve our goals
• Corporations: how strategies use by professional earnings forecasters can help us set goals in uncertain times
• Brain research: how relying on willpower alone is a recipe for failure in achieving your goals and knowing our weaknesses and structuring our thinking for success is critical.

Ruly also provided some helpful tips and advice:

• Calendar 2010 Review: thinking broadly about the timing of holidays, paydays and other milestones
• Difficult Goals Worksheet and recycled thank you note project
• Refrigerator organization secrets from my own fridge makeover

We also discussed the Haiti earthquake and reviewed emergency preparedness and disaster survival strategies.  The situation in Haiti continues to bring both positive and negative updates.  Heartbreaking stories of amputations, food and water shortages and orphaned children abound.  But there are positive stories of survival as well.  I could not believe the CNN video below of a young boy pulled from the rubble after 8 days.

As proof that miracles do happen, The Washington Post reported just yesterday that a teenage girl was pulled from the rubble alive after 15 days without food or water!

The Ruly Challenge

Since we are closing out one month and preparing for another, the one thing we have not yet discussed is The Ruly Challenge.  This month, it seemed most appropriate to set The Ruly Challenge at the end of the month.  Armed with knowledge of goal setting techniques, this month’s challenge should hardly be a surprise.

The Challenge: Identify your goals for 2010.  Write them down and post them somewhere you will see them frequently.

Perhaps you will reaffirm a New Year’s Resolution, or perhaps now that the rosy shine of the new year has dimmed a bit, you might revisit what is achievable given the reality of your everyday life. Your goals might be a small rather than grand–something you have a decent chance of actually achieving come December 31.

For myself, I plan to set goals in the following categories:

• Fun
• Health
• Finance
• Relationships
• Organization

I hope that you do set organizational goals for yourself.  Rather than a broad, general goal like “Be more organized,” break it down into something small, specific and objective, like “Clean out the linen closet.” My goal for Ruly in 2010 is to help you implement organization, timesaving and stress reduction strategies in at least 3 areas of your life.  Of course, I hope that you will find much more than 3 but 3 is my target.  If there are specific areas that you are looking for help in, please share in the comments and I will see what I can do.

On Monday, we start a new month with a new theme.  Please check back then to see.  Today is the last day to receive a Ruly thank you note for your comments by e-mailing your address to info@beruly.com.  I will be practicing a resolution this weekend by sending out my thank you notes.  I continue to be impressed by the comments.  I read them all and thank you for adding life to Ruly and teaching me as well.

Have a great weekend!

Some fascinating new research on willpower has been in the news lately.  The research suggests that our brains are a combination of rational and emotional processing centers and that there is a limit to how much each side of the brain can handle at a given time.  When one side of the brain is “full” the other side is going to take over and make the decisions, even when we don’t want it to.

For example, if the rational part of the brain is taken up processing something like a challenging and complex issue at work, there is no rational brain left when it comes to issues like deciding the appropriate foods to eat and the emotional brain will take over and eat whatever sweet and sugary foods it wants to.

Most of us assume that self-control is largely a character issue, and that we would follow through on our New Year’s resolutions if only we had a bit more discipline. But this research suggests that willpower itself is inherently limited, and that our January promises fail in large part because the brain wasn’t built for success.

–Jonah Lehrer, “Blame it On the Brain,” The Wall Street Journal, December 26, 2009

Although not indicated in the research above, I would not be surprised if it is also true that if the brain is overwhelmed on the emotional side (such as handling a difficult relationship or a death), the rational brain might take over certain decisions that would be better off handled by the emotional side.  For example, some people withdraw rather than getting involved with difficult emotional situations.  It might be that their brain is simply saying, “I am so overwhelmed by this emotional situation that my rational brain is telling me to avoid it and give myself a rest from thinking about it.”

Something also not indicated in the research but possibly true as well is that each person has different brain capacities on the rational and emotional spectrum.  My husband, for example, has a nearly endless capacity for rational thinking in almost any situation, whereas I lean more toward the emotional and sometimes have to focus hard to let the rational side of my brain kick in.  We are a good balance for each other as different situations require different brain processing skills.  Often people convey emotional thinking as “weak” and rational thinking as “strong” but I am convinced this is not the case.  There is a place for both types of thinking.  In business, emotional thinking can be very beneficial in any managerial, personnel or customer relations matter and certainly in marketing and sales.  After all, if you can’t motivate people, persuade or resolve conflicts, your success is greatly hindered.

In personal relationships, rational thinking is sometimes necessary to keep our relationships healthy or make difficult choices.  My husband’s rational approach to resolving conflict between us, for example, is one that he insisted on early on in our relationship and it continues to amaze me how powerful that approach is.  I honestly cannot remember the last fight I had with my husband or what it was about.  Whatever the issue was, it has been resolved.

So, fascinating as all of this is, if you are a person who needs more organization in your life, how can you use this brain research to your advantage?

1. Self-awareness. You probably know at some level whether you are more of a rational or emotional thinker in most decisions.  You also need to try to pay attention and realize which type of thinker you are in specific situations.  Organization often rewards rational thinkers more than emotional ones.  Emotional thinking tells us to hold on to mementos or items that foster a sense of security.
2. Promote rational thinking. Believe me when I tell you this is very hard for me personally.    I know it is possible to have deep emotional relationships with objects. When trying to improve your organization, however, you have to learn to be more of a rational thinker.  In this area, some of the rational questions you might ask yourself about your belongings or information are: How does this benefit me?  Does it make me money?  Does it save me money?  Does it save me time?  Does it promote my health or safety?  Is it in good repair? Is it commonly available? Does it cost me more in time or money to keep and store it than it would to just buy a new one if I need it?  Would I prefer to have a new one rather than the one I currently have?
3. Reduce emotional thinking about stuff by limiting it to objects that deserve it. It would be ridiculous to assume that we all can become coldly rational and toss out everything that does not meet some rational criterion of need.  (Although I have met people who come close to this!)  If you are an emotional thinker when it comes to your stuff, use your emotional skills to discern which objects or data have the most positive emotional value.  For example, when you have a huge stack of your child’s artwork, some of the pieces will really connect with you, either because of the subject matter (I have a great drawing of a “fairy” from my 4 year old I think is amazing) or the situation it was created in (the first scribble from my 1 year old or the first time my 4 year old wrote “mom”).  Try to zero in on these high value items and preserve and organize them first.  Don’t let the high positive emotional value objects get lost or buried.  Sometimes we can be motivated if we think of our role as being a good steward of the most positive memories.  The key here, though, is to try to develop your skills at quickly discerning high value from lesser value objects.
4. Eliminate objects that are an emotional burden. There are items that are highly emotional but promote negative emotions rather than positive ones.  Try to identify these burdens and remove them frequent view either permanently or at least temporarily in storage.
5. Sort your stuff according to your emotional and rational weaknesses. There are both emotional and rational reasons we end up with a lot of “stuff.”  You can rationally justify hundreds of lightbulbs or rolls of toilet paper, for example.  One of the best tools to stop accumulating things, I have found, is to sort the items that are accumulating into the mental categories that address why we are accumulating the item in the first place.  Often just stacking like items together is enough.  Once your brain processes that you have enough of something, you will stop feeding the need to buy more of it.  For example, I once worked with someone who kept a drawer of magazines with “important” articles and was instructed not to throw any of the magazines away.  Since they were important to the person, I sorted them by magazine title and date and put them in labeled racks on a shelf.  Interestingly, once they were all sorted in this way, the person realized that they were just magazines and decided to toss about 75% of them!  Craft supplies often fall into the weakness category.  If you try to sort the crafts by specific projects rather than just heaps of color-coded materials, you start to realize where you are over-buying or whether there are crafts you really don’t want to do any more because you now have something better.
6. Distract yourself from the voices that tell you to stop organizing. We have all been there.  You get on a roll with organizing and then it stops.  Why?  “I’m tired.”  “It’s boring.”  “I don’t know where to start.” With regard to the energy and boredom requirements, this is where background noise can really help.  A Ruly Mix is great.  I like to stream Frontline shows to feed my head while I am sorting papers in my office.  Sometimes watching a television show about organization or home improvement can be great background motivation as well.  With regard to the overwhelming feeling, this is where breaking a project into really small parts helps.  If you don’t know how to unbury your desk, go one paper at a time.  Do you know how to file this piece of paper?  If yes, do it!  If no, why not?  Although it is tedious, sometimes addressing one piece of paper creates a system that will save you hours in the future.  Even if you can’t motivate yourself to continue, at least identify why you are not continuing.
7. Don’t let emotional burdens associated with disorganization drag you down. Organizing is a highly emotional activity.  If you are struggling with disorganization, don’t let your whole life become consumed by it.  Celebrate small successes.  Continue the work.  Remember, we are not aiming for perfection.   You are still a good person if your home or office is messy.  Based on the research above, one of the reasons leading to your messiness may be that you are so involved with thinking about other important things that your knee-jerk emotional reaction to relax is kicking in.  Stress reduction and work reduction may be what you really need!  Give yourself a little credit!

Are you a rational or emotional organizer?  What do you do to distract yourself when your emotional side is pulling you the wrong direction?  Please share in the comments!  Commenters can get a Ruly thank you note if you email me your address to info@beruly.com.

If you have found it difficult to set and adhere to goals for yourself in your personal life, you may find it heartening to know that professional forecasters have many of the same problems when setting goals for some of the United States’ largest corporations. We can learn a lot about goal-setting, however, by learning some of the corporate forecasting strategies used by professionals.

As a brief background, companies with stock traded on one of the public stock exchanges typically issue formal statements on a periodic basis about their expected performance over a given period of time. This type of statement is usually called an “earnings forecast.” Preparing an earnings forecast is a difficult exercise often involving the input of numerous people throughout an organization, primarily sales, operations and financial managers. A variety of data is put into a financial model and various calculations and assumptions are made. (At a basic level, it is not unlike the work an individual might do to prepare a household budget.)

The final earnings forecast is essentially a goal for the corporation to achieve for the year. It might be communicated to the public as a target sales number or target earnings per share. Professional stock analysts then use the data in their own complex financial models for further analysis. At the end of the year, if the corporation does achieve the forecasted goal, typically its stock price rises as more investors clamor to purchase shares. If the corporation fails to achieve the forecasted goal, its stock price often sinks as disillusioned investors sell their holdings. Generally, the earnings forecast released to the public is a positive increase somewhat short of the actual goal so that the corporation can “surprise” the public with especially good news.

Due to the economic downturn, many firms have been unpleasantly surprised by the difficult business climate. Forecasting earnings (or losses in some cases) has become even more challenging than normal. As a result, some corporate forecasters have adjusted their goal-setting process with some of the following strategies:

1. Scenario Planning. Rather than calculating just one set of numbers for the year, a variety of calculations are prepared based on different scenarios. For example, a corporation might be concerned about consumer wealth and might have one forecast assuming the unemployment rate holds steady, one that it improves, and a third if unemployment worsens.
2. Rolling Forecasts. If conditions are changing rapidly and it is difficult to predict events occurring a long distance in the future, many corporations are electing to forecast for a shorter period of time and update the forecast more frequently. For example, rather than forecasting for an entire year, the corporation might forecast for one quarter (3 months) at a time and update the forecast each quarter.
3. Crowd Wisdom. Rather than restrict the forecasting process to just management-level executives, some companies are using web-based technologies such as Crowdcast to gather insight from their employees. These technologies poll employees for their opinions on issues such as the likely demand of certain products to customers, the impact of certain competitors and other key issues. The results are summarized anonymously and in some cases have shown to be up to 75% more accurate than traditional corporate forecasts.
4. Data Weighing. If a company is having trouble determining a course of action due to uncertainty about the likelihood of some events, it might focus in on known events and weight the forecast heavily on the items that it has the most control over. For example, a company might not know how many people will purchase its product but it can control how much it produces and its quality.
5. No Forecasts. Some corporations have essentially admitted defeat in their ability to predict the future and are not issuing earnings forecasts.

How can you use these strategies when setting your personal or small business goals? The following ideas incorporate lessons learned from professional forecasters.

1. Have a Plan for the Worst. Understand the major factors that could impact your life during your goal period. While it is not fun to have to think in the negative, all individuals should be ready to face negative circumstances. Some people avoid thinking in the negative because they are afraid to confront loss or admit failure. I find, however, that if you prepare a plan (much like emergency planning), you can move forward with the rest of your life much more easily. I also like to tell myself that if I have a plan for the worst, it is less likely to be needed–kind of like a good luck talisman. Some of the “worst” questions you might ask yourself are:
   *      What if I or my spouse lost my job this year? (or What if my business income declines substantially? or What if I still can’t find another job?)
   *       What if I have to incur a significant expense for _______? (Figure out what is most applicable to you. A health crisis? A major home or car repair? A significant business expense?)
   *       What sources of income do I have in an emergency? If “none,” what would I do if I had to file bankruptcy?
2. Consider short-term rather than long-term goals and continuous goal-setting. It is widely known that New Year’s resolutions sometimes seem overwhelming. A 90-day resolution may be more do-able. For example, one of the most common New Year’s resolutions is to “lose weight.” Perhaps one could break this down into 90-day goals, such as “Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes.” At the end of 90 days if the goal is not being achieved, perhaps it is the wrong goal and needs to be re-set. It might be more motivating to scale it down to “Exercise at least once a week.” for the next 90-days. If that gets results, then scale up from there. If it is still not being achieved, the next goal might be, “Figure out why I am not exercising.” Continuing to have a goal, even one that is significantly less ambitious than the initial goal, has helped me progress on nagging projects and learn more about my own work-style.
3. Consider input from others in your goal-setting. Sometimes others with our best interests at heart have valuable help and advice to offer. You have to be careful, though. Goals are often very personal objectives and lay bare a lot of our own insecurities. Getting a lot of affirmations from people you trust about your negative qualities is not always helpful and you have to have a thick skin about this. Where input from others can be helpful, however, is when you are having trouble either identifying the source of a problem or how to solve it. “How do you deal with ____?” is often a helpful question and easier to tolerate than “How do you think I can better deal with ____?” –the answer to which almost no one wants to hear.
4. Focus your planning on what you can control. Sometimes it is easy to feel that you have control over nothing but there is always something that you have control over. You can choose to have a positive attitude. You can choose to work hard. You can choose to be kind to people and develop loving relationships with your friends and family. While these may seem like small things, they matter quite a bit and often future success comes from having the small things right.
5. Keep some goals private. Some of your goals may involve subjects that don’t need to be shared with everyone. While there is sometimes a motivating value to having a public goal, knowing that you will be ashamed if you don’t achieve it, some goals are better left unsaid.

I hope these corporate lessons have given you some food for thought this Monday. Please share in the comments any lessons you have learned about personal or business forecasting.  Any commenters this month can receive a Ruly thank you note if you email me your mailing address to info@beruly.com.

I am setting a goal for a thought-provoking week! Type to you on Wednesday.

Just in time to jazz up your weekend . . . the Ruly Mix!   Download for free a great track to give you the boost of energy you need to accomplish something difficult or keep you in a positive mood! This month’s featured artist is Jamie Smith from Edinburgh, Scotland.

When I was choosing the song for this month, Jamie’s sample came on and my little ones instantly started dancing all over the place. When the sample was over, I heard the sweetest little chorus, “Play it again! Play it again!” That was the only test I needed to know that Jamie belonged in the Ruly Mix.

The other thing that is simply delightful to me about Jamie’s music is that it is completely unexpected. While you might be thinking we are going to be treated to a bagpipe solo or something akin to Celtic music, you are going to be a bit surprised to hear some totally groovy jazz! Yes, Scottish jazz! Who knew?

Here’s a little more about Jamie and his music:

Jamie Smith http://donbrae.co.uk

How long have you been playing/composing music and how did you get into jazz?

I’ve been playing and writing music since I was about 6 or 7. Like last month’s composer Rajiv, I started out on a Casio keyboard and shortly thereafter graduated to a battered old upright piano, much to the annoyance of neighbors. I studied classical music for a good few years before switching to jazz. I’d always been familiar with the Great American Songbook, and that material was my introduction to jazz and improvisation. Various family members play and sing, and there were lead sheets and songbooks around the house that I would play through and improvise on. I eventually got around to really studying how jazz harmony worked and how to go about improvising properly (I’m still working on it!). There’s actually quite a vibrant jazz scene here in Scotland, with annual festivals in all the major cities. Jam sessions are well attended and one of the music colleges has recently began running the country’s first full-time jazz degree.

What instruments do you play?

I play jazz and funk keyboards, ranging from acoustic and electric piano to Clavinet and organ. I did used to play flugelhorn, which is a brass instrument, but sadly don’t have the time to dedicate to that anymore.

What inspires you when you are writing music?

On one level it’s the creative challenge that inspires me. I always like to try out new things, whether it’s expanding my harmonic knowledge or writing in a new style. Inspiration also comes from the hope that people might enjoy listening to what you’ve created. If someone, after a hard day, listens to a bit of your music to relax and feel better, then you’ve done your job.

What were you thinking about when you composed this mix for beruly.com?

I really just tried to write something that Ruly readers would find catchy, lively and entertaining. I hope they enjoy it (my fingers are crossed)! It also amused me to think what my fellow jazzers would make of the bass and drum solos.

What goals have you set for yourself for 2010?

My main goal for 2010 is to work hard and continue making music – all the while trying to be more sociable and get out from in front of the piano now and again. The year’s got off to a great start with the chance to create something for Ruly. It’s been fun – thanks for the opportunity!

Intrigued?  Can’t wait to hear the song?  Wait no longer!  Click the picture below to play or right-click to download. (If the picture is not working for you, you can also download by clicking here.)

If you like what you hear, please feel free to share the song with others. To respect the rights of the musician, please comply with the simple Ruly License terms below.

Ruly License: You may download and play any Ruly Mix song for your own personal use so long as you keep the voiceover tags intact indicating the name of the artist and that the song came from beruly.com. Businesses may also download this song to play as background music in their establishments so long as the voiceover tags remain intact. Any other uses of the song (such as in videos, etc.) must be pre-approved by the musician. Questions about license permissions can be addressed to info@beruly.com.

If you love Jamie’s music, please post a comment and share this link with others!  Please know that all the Ruly Mix musicians love to get feedback on the songs.  Even a quick comment like “Cool!” or “Love it!” is tremendously appreciated.  Plus, this month anyone posting a comment can get a Ruly thank you note if you email your address to me at info@beruly.com.

Wishing you a hip weekend!

Previous Ruly Mix artists:  Rajiv Agarwal

Ruly Ruth at one of her many parties

While having goals for your social interactions is a bit of an odd concept, some recent experiences have reminded me that we can all use a refresher in the basic rules of human behavior.  For 2010, I have come up with a list of anti-goals– the don’ts we should all avoid to build more bridges than we burn and to energize our social groups with more positivity than negativity.

1. Don’t create cliques. When involved or living in a tightly-knit community or social group, invite everyone! Small social gatherings are a really fun time, but when everyone except 2 or 3 are invited, it becomes more of a clique than a social group. Not cool and hurt feelings abound. In my experience, it all works out—err on the side of more invitees.  If there are people you don’t like, they will be dwarfed by those you do and their presence will not “ruin” your event.  If you’re worried about food/drink expense, make it a potluck or BYOB with specific suggestions! I’ve recently attended a cocktail party where we each brought an hors d’oeuvre and a martini in a flavor we each chose. (Mine was pomegranate, by the way—highly recommend that one!).
2. Don’t have “third party” social networking conversations. Do not hold a conversation on a third person’s social networking sight when it’s only with one other person who you may not have “friended.” Bring that to your own site. I’ve now seen this happen three times—two on other peoples’ sites and once on my own! Get off my wall if you’re not holding a general conversation! Especially when it’s a confrontation. OY!
3. Don’t forget to RSVP. It’s on there for a reason. Even if there isn’t an RSVP, a courtesy email either yes or no is very helpful. Evite does help with managing this matter with it’s requisite emails reminding you to RSVP. I’ve often been a “maybe” pending a travel trip or a visitor heading my way—but most of the time those maybes turn to nos. So in the future I’d recommend erring on the side of No if you’re in the Maybe/not sure category.
4. Don’t be shy. Try to accept as many invitations as you can! Even if the invitee is not necessarily a close friend. People like to meet new friends and interact with new people too. Some will be flops—that’s the world of parties/events etc., but some will be what I call Silent Sparklers—maybe the last place you thought you’d meet your next job connection or someone special. And always thank the host/hostess on your way out!
5. Don’t take the hosts for granted. If you know of a big event being planned, offer to help participate in the planning or event itself. Chances are your help may not be required, but even the smallest tasks can often be handed off with a huge sigh of relief from the host/hostesses/coordinator. (Note: If you are the host and people do offer to help, have a list of small tasks ready to hand off, ex. bring ice, help invite people, etc.)
6. Don’t complain about an event if you did not help plan it. Only offer suggestions if you are willing to help with the next event! I can’t make this clear enough! 20/20 Hindsight is a goldmine for all of us…..we don’t need the peanut gallery chiming in with complaints when they are not willing to pick up the ball themselves.
7. Don’t send your invitations out at the last-minute. Get information out early enough!! That last minute “Oh, could you plan/invite/make…” for something tomorrow???!! Seriously—you need to cue people with as much advanced notice as possible. A week is desirable—a month is delightful!  A last-minute invitation also makes people wonder if they were on the “B” list and are only being invited because someone from the “A” list is not coming.
8. Don’t email important invitations and don’t distribute them at work. Events that occur once a year or once in a lifetime demand an old-fashioned mailed invitation! Email is just not the same and ruins the tone of the party.  For work-related or work social group invitations where your spouse or family is invited, mail the invitation to the home address!! Work places can get busy, frantic, chaotic. The last thing someone needs to worry about at work is inviting their spouse to a social event.
9. Don’t forget to help with cleanup. When at someone’s home, help clean up. Even if it means taking 1 or 2 dirty plates into the kitchen. As a guest, any help you can provide is a sign of gratitude for the meal/tea/coffee you’ve been served. And make sure kids’ toys are replaced in their proper spots before leaving. Small gestures speak very loudly to the host/hostess. They are greatly appreciated.
10. Don’t forget the significance of a mailed thank you note. While any expression of thanks is welcome and appreciated, try to mail a hard copy thank you note for any significant event you attend.  Including pictures from the event is extra thoughtful.  A quick email or Facebook message is convenient but does not leave the same impression.  It is definitely better to email or Facebook than nothing, however.  (I need to take my own medicine here and remind everyone of the Ruly post on thank you notes!)

I hope that you don’t recognize yourself in any of the above don’ts but realistically we are all guilty of at least some of these things some of the time.  Resolve to do better in 2010!

Is there a social faux pas you want to see remedied in 2010?  Please share in the comments.

(P.S. from Anne: A reminder that all commenters can receive a Ruly thank you note if you email your address to info@beruly.com.)

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today in the United States is a day to honor and remember the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr.  In his 39 years, he lived a short but powerful life.  By the age of 26, he had earned a Doctor of Philosophy degree, was married, had one child and was the pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama.  At age 28 he helped found the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, organizing black churches to conduct non-violent protests in the pursuit of civil rights reform.  He organized and led marches, boycotts, sit-ins and other non-violent protests petitioning for the right of African Americans and people of all races to participate equally in American society, including desegregation of schools and workplaces and obtaining the right to vote.  As a result of his protests, he was jailed, his life was constantly threatened and his telephone was tapped by the FBI.

Most famously, he was a key leader in the “March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom” held August 28, 1963 and he was just 34 when he delivered his inspired “I Have a Dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C.

Due in large part to his efforts the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed by the U.S. Congress and still forms the foundation for legal protections against discrimination in the United States today.  By the age of 35, he became the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.  He continued to campaign for equality and freedom and opposed the Vietnam War.  On April 3, 1968, he delivered an address entitled “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop,” noting:

Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land.

–Martin Luther King, Jr. “I’ve Been to the Mountaintop,” April 3, 1968

The following day Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, leaving behind his wife and four children then aged 5 through 13.

He was a man unlike any other before or since.  I was not alive during the Civil Rights era and for me and many of my generation it is hard to imagine a time in the United States when blacks and people of other non-white races were treated so inhumanely.  It is also hard to imagine that someone so young could have such presence, eloquence and courage to achieve what must have seemed impossible to many.

As we are thinking about goals this month, we can draw tremendous inspiration from Martin Luther King, Jr.  There is no bullet point list that captures his energy and spirit but  the following ideas are particularly striking.  I will use his words as my own fail in comparison:

“I refuse to accept the idea that man is mere flotsam and jetsam in the river of life, unable to influence the unfolding events which surround him.”

–Martin Luther King, Jr., “Acceptance Speech at the Nobel Peace Prize Ceremony,” November 10, 1964 (click to listen at the Martin Luther King Jr. Research and Education Institute at Stanford University)

“[R]ecognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant.  That’s a new definition of greatness . . . . [E]verybody can be great because everybody can serve.”

–Martin Luther King Jr., “The Drum Major Instinct,” February 4, 1968 (click to listen at the website for The King Center)

Wishing you an inspired Monday!  A reminder that all commenters can receive a Ruly thank you note if you e-mail me your address at info@beruly.com

The tragedy in Haiti weighs on my thoughts lately and I am shocked and saddened by almost every news report I am reading.  I have made a donation to the American Red Cross and understand that money is what is most needed at the moment.  I am proud of the efforts being make by the United States to aid in this tragedy and hope that with the intervention of the U.S. and other countries, the people of Haiti can be spared even more suffering.

Today’s post is about thinking through what is happening in Haiti and finding lessons to prepare ourselves in the event of natural disaster.

While I grew up in the mountainous state of Utah, which geologically should have a regular number of earthquakes, I only remember experiencing one very small earthquake in Utah.  It happened during a high school math test.  The desks began shifting back and forth just slightly.  “Should we get under our desks?” one student asked.  “No. Keep working,” came the reply from our lovable but challenging math teacher.  Sure enough, the quake ended in a few seconds and there was no damage to speak of.

It took an overseas trip to Greece to experience a “real” earthquake.  My sisters and I were on a heritage trip to Greece with our grandmother.  While we were staying in a hotel in the mountains of Delphi, a moderate earthquake occurred in the middle of the night.  We were awakened by the bed rigidly moving two feet forward and two feet back, and the rattling noises of doors, furniture and objects.  To say that it was terrifying is an understatement!  We ran to a doorway while the quake happened.  Fortunately there was no major damage and no one was injured.  Within our international tour group, however, there was panic and chaos.  “What should we do?” we all asked each other.  “I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m getting dressed!” called out a sassy grandmother from Texas.  And so at about 3 a.m. there we all were, packed and dressed standing out in the lobby of the hotel (except for the Japanese tourists, who later told us that they woke up when the quake hit, said, “Oh, it’s just an earthquake,” rolled over and went back to bed!).  Aftershocks rolled in, first every half hour or so.  Each aftershock brought on a major case of nerves and fear.  It is hard to describe how unsettling it feels to know that there is nowhere safe on the earth for you to go.  Inside is just as unsafe as outside.  Underground the same as above ground.  The only “safety” is being in the air above the earth’s surface.  We tried to stay calm as the water glasses rattled at breakfast and the ground beneath our feet vibrated.    Gradually, the aftershocks came less and less frequently and were lesser in intensity.   The day continued as normal for us and for most people in Greece as well.  I don’t know the magnitude of that earthquake.  If I had to guess, perhaps it was a 4 or maybe a 5.

The people of Haiti have just experienced a magnitude 7.2 earthquake, 100 to 1,000 times more powerful than what I have ever experienced.  The earthquake I experienced would be “just” an aftershock to them.  Buildings have collapsed, people are suffering grievous injuries and are trapped without water, food or shelter.  Many have no access to medical care and while rescuers are on the scene, there are sure to be many who will not be rescued for several days or perhaps a week.  These brave people must have the peace of mind to look out for their own survival even as they are coping with the grief of losing loved ones and wrestling with their own fears.

What would you do if you were a Haitian right now?  As I thought through this terrifying question, it pointed out a lot of weaknesses in my own emergency preparations.  For example, if your house collapses and you can’t access your emergency food or water stores, it is just the same as if you didn’t make any preparations at all.  While I have come up with theoretical possibilities to address this (spread the food stores in different places in your home, bury them outside in an underground emergency shelter, etc.) we have to realize that there are weaknesses in every plan and sometimes we will be alone and unprepared.

During the recent east coast snowstorm, I found that one of the best emergency preparations you can have is a network of people who live near you and care for your welfare and a communication method to stay in touch with them.  In a disaster of the magnitude Haiti is facing, no one can survive this completely on their own.  People will have to reach out to their neighbors, friends and strangers, share their talents and supplies and put group needs above individual ones.  This is all very difficult to say the least.

What would an expert survivalist do in Haiti?  I turn to my trusted guide, “The SAS Survival Handbook” by John “Lofty” Wiseman, which I received from my wonderful sister-in-law for Christmas and which I highly recommend that everyone purchase for their own emergency preparations.

Mr. Wiseman uses the acronym PLAN for the priority things you should do in a survival situation like the earthquake in Haiti:

P – Protection – “You must ensure you are protected from further danger. . . .   Ideally evacuate to an open area. . . . Do NOT shelter in damaged buildings or ruins.  Build a shelter from debris.”

L – Location – “[P]ut out emergency signals.  You must draw attention to your position.”   “Stay tuned to a local radio station for up-to-date reports and advice. . . Turn off gas, electricity and water if advised to do so.“

A – Acquisition – “While waiting to be rescued, look for water and food.”  “Don’t wait until you have run out of water before you look for it. . . . The average human  requires the minimum of [about 8.5 oz] of water per day to survive.”

N – Navigation – “Good navigation will keep you on route and will often avert a survival situation.  But if you find yourself stranded, always stay where you are.”

–Excerpts from “The SAS Survival Handbook” by John “Lofty” Wiseman

Some other tips:

Keep a positive attitude.  “When facing a disaster it is easy to let yourself go, to collapse and be consumed in self-pity. . . Only positive action can save you.”

Emphasize hygiene as much as you can. “Rupture of sewage systems, contamination of water and the hazards of the bodies trapped in the wreckage can all make the risk of disease as deadly as the earthquake itself. . . . Filter and boil all water. . . . Bury all corpses, animal and human.”

Maintain your own health. “You must become your own doctor and carefully monitor yourself at all times. . . . Do not take any unnecessary risks that could lead to injury.”

–Excerpts from “The SAS Survival Handbook” by John “Lofty” Wiseman

These sobering tips help to remind us that there isn’t a simple or quick formula for survival situations.  Survival requires agility, flexibility, creativity and even a little bit of luck.  We can improve our chances with some preparation but we need to be ready to abandon established plans and create new ones quickly too.

Haitians, we are praying for you!  This disaster requires not only attention now but in the future as well, long after it has disappeared from popular news coverage.  I am putting a note on my calendar now to check back in on Haiti in 6 months to see where things are and, if needed, consider making an additional donation at that time as well.

Be grateful today for clean water, food and shelter.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Today, I am pleased to introduce another new feature . . . the Ruly Ideal video series! The purpose of the Ruly Ideal videos is to celebrate people and businesses who exemplify aspects of human performance and achievement. Rather than me writing about these individuals, I want you to “meet” them for yourselves and let them tell you about their experience and insight in their own words.

Recently, I met Regina Bogomolova, Owner and Director of Classical Ballet of Fredericksburg, and was astounded by the energy she invests in her own dancing talent, in the ballet studio she and her husband founded and in the high school chemistry classes she teaches during the day. Her belief in herself, her dedication to promoting classical ballet education and professional training, and her willingness to take on tremendous challenges in spite of her extremely demanding schedule thoroughly impressed me.

So, enough writing….I will let Regina speak for herself:

Regina squeezed in time to shoot this video last fall, just days before putting on Classical Ballet of Fredericksburg’s performance of the Nutcracker. Regina, her husband Vadim (a graduate of the Kirov Ballet School) and the entire school put on an incredible show. Regina and Vadim danced a beautiful pas de deux and the young talents they are nurturing were impressive in their own right.

Regina just returned from Youth America Grand Prix, the world’s largest student ballet scholarship competition, where three of her students competed against some of the best talent in the United States. One of Regina’s students, Regan Shaw, placed in the “Top 12″ of her division and was invited to participate in the NYC Intensives.

You can find out more about Regina and Classical Ballet of Fredericksburg at their website, balletfredericksburg.com. If you are in the Fredericksburg area, plan now to attend CBF’s performance of Giselle over Mother’s Day weekend, May 8-9. What a great treat for all the special women in your life! Winter classes have also just started and are open for enrollment, including Regina’s Saturday morning yoga stretch class which has challenged me greatly and attracts moms and even some men in addition to the ballerinas in attendance.

Alberta Theodore

Special thanks to Alberta Theodore of The Midnight Convention who did the music and sound design for this video. Alberta is another of my super-talented sisters. You can listen to more of Alberta’s incredible music at her myspace page, myspace.com/themidnightconvention.

If you like this video, please comment and share it with others by spreading the link http://www.beruly.com/?p=599 or using the embed code on Ruly’s YouTube page. Any commenters get a Ruly thank you note if you email me your mailing address to info@beruly.com.

Hoping you feel inspired this Wednesday and in awe of what can be accomplished with a little (actually a LOT) of discipline and passion!

This month’s Ruly Bookshelf choice is a vintage book: “Goal Analysis” by Robert F. Mager, copyright 1972.  When I was thinking about what book to choose on goal setting, I realized that goal setting is one of those timeless topics where having the latest technology doesn’t confer many advantages. So I wanted to see how it was done years ago and see if anything has changed.  (Please note, however, that there is a newer, 1997 revised edition of “Goal Analysis” as well.)

Buying used books is a delightful experience. They are usually not all that expensive and put you in contact with a variety of small business owners who hand pack and ship the books to you, often with a brief note of thanks. This personal touch to bookbuying is absent in most of today’s purchases. My copy of “Goal Analysis” came from Wonder Book which I found using the search engine at AbeBooks.

The focus of “Goal Analysis,” is how to take a vague conceptual goal (like “be more organized”) and translate it into actionable items. Mr. Mager proposes a 5-step process:

1. Write down the goal.
2. Write down the things you would want someone to say or do to cause you to agree that the person represents the goal.
3. Sort and refine your list.
4. Write a complete statement describing the performance(s) you want to see.
5. Test what you have written with the question, “If someone performed all of the items on my list, would I agree that the person had achieved the goal?”

Two of the most important concepts I learned from this book were to ensure that goals are people-based and stated in positive terms.

“[T]hink of someone who already has achieved your goal, someone who represents your goal, and write down the things he says and the things he does that cause you to be willing to pin that goal label on him. . . . If you can not think of anyone who represents your goal, you have a problem. . . . If . . . you . . . can not think of someone who represents the state or condition described by the goal, you need to think of what a person might be like if he represented your goal. You are skating on thin ice, though, because when you think of hypothetical people, there is the danger that your expectations will be forever unattainable.”

Somehow we have really gotten away from this simple concept of basing goals on real people. When I set goals for myself, I often fall into the hypothetical person trap, as I think many people and employers do. We have to remind ourselves that the goal we are setting has to be capable of being achieved by someone. If no person ever fully achieves the goal, it is unmotivating. Wouldn’t you rather be in a position where you have a set of challenging goals that you ultimately achieve and then set new even more challenging goals for yourself rather than endlessly strive toward vague, ultimately unachievable goals?

Perhaps one of the reasons we tend to use hypothetical people in our goal setting is that when we think of actual people who have achieved the goal, we tend to remember their deficiencies as frequently as their achievements. For example, one might say, “Like Bob, but more ___.” or “Like Jane, but not ____.” Mr. Mager’s message seems to be to focus in on only the good aspects and say, “Like Bob and Jane.” Doing this would require an acceptance that each person is going to have something that is not perfect about them but that so long as the person is achieving the ultimate goal, the imperfections are OK.

Mr. Mager’s positivity extends to the goal writing itself.

“[A]pproach [goal writing] from the positive by writing down the performances you do want to see to convince you your goal is achieved, and this is the approach to take whenever you can. When you find yourself unable to make progress, however, you might aproach from the negative by writing down performances you don’t want to see. . . “

Mr. Mager gives several examples in the book of consulting work he did with various clients to get them to define what they meant by objectives such as “good tone of service” or “show concern for patient welfare.” Often, it was easier for the groups to remember and define the behaviors they didn’t want to see rather than the ones they did want to see. In my example of “be more organized,” for example, you might define it negatively as:

• “Doesn’t forget important appointments.”
• “Doesn’t spend a lot of time looking for things.”

Mr. Mager then coached his clients to turn those negative statements into positive statements. In the process, often his clients found that the initial goal statement was really referring to another concept entirely. So, for example, while the nurses were initially trying to “show concern for patient welfare,” ultimately they decided to “prevent patient embarrassment.”

Some other tips and good quotes from Mr. Mager:

“Check the goal to make sure it describes an outcome rather than a process . . . That is, make the statement say, “have a favorable attitude toward carbuncles,” rather than “learn to have a favorable attitude toward carbuncles.”

“[Y]ou may find goals that are administrative rather than instructional–goals that can only be achieved by an institution, not an individual. . . . For example, an item such as “reduce absenteeism” is not something a student or trainee can do anything about. It is an administrative goal. You may wish to change the item to “have no unexcused absences,” because that is characteristic of an individual.”

“If you know you can’t observe the performances that are the meaning of your goal, just try to refrain from judging people in terms of that goal. . . . [A]bove all, try to remember that it is a highly questionable practice to label someone as having achieved or not achieved a goal state when you don’t even know what you would take as evidence of achievement.”

When I think of Mr. Mager’s process and tips I am reminded of an episode of Oprah from a few years back where Oprah was taking questions from the audience. A woman stood up and said, “Oh, Oprah, I find you so inspiring and amazing.” “Thank you,” Oprah said, “Why?” The woman was taken aback and stammered something like, “Oh, for a lot of reasons. I just do.” Oprah then told the woman that she often receives compliments but that she would like to know the specific things she does that people think are amazing and wonderful. I also find Oprah amazing and wonderful but if you ask me to define why, the list seems so silly and doesn’t capture the full conception of who Oprah is: “Because she reinvigorated book reading in this country,” “Because she has a great sense of humor,” “Because she takes on challenging issues,” “Because she relates to people in a sincere and thought-provoking way.”

Mr. Mager would say that this list of “trivial” items is exactly what goal analysis is about. As people, we are not grand conceptions, we are specific, achievable goals.

“The test of triviality is in the consequence of not achieving the performance. . . .[I]f there is a consequence then the performance is not trivial . . . .”

So, for example, if Oprah did not “take on challenging issues” would she still be Oprah? Probably not.

“Goal Analysis” is a quick read and is particularly relevant for anyone who manages or coaches people. In the last chapter, Mr. Mager provides a method for charting goal achievement, including a way to plot the performance of numerous people toward the achievement of common goals, which would be a highly useful tool for anyone conducting performance evaluations.

Have you ever had to define an undefinable goal? Are you currently subject to undefinable goals in your employment? How would you define why Oprah is so great? Please share in the comments. As a reminder, anyone posting a comment in January, can receive a Ruly thank you note by sending me your mailing address at info@beruly.com.

I have a couple of loose ends to tie up from previous posts and will be using my Fridays this month to do that.

Back in November when we were chatting about food, the Ruly Challenge that month was to eat from the fridge and pantry stores and clean out the fridge. It took me longer than a month to get my fridge cleaned out but I wanted to show you the results.

Fridge Outside - Before

Fridge Inside - Before

The refrigerator in our house doubles as an information booth. We put up photos, invitations, reminders, etc. on the outside because we know it will get noticed. Unfortunately, we sometimes take this too far and the fridge gets buried in information.

Prior to the Ruly Challenge, the inside of our fridge was full of stuff. We frequently tossed things out that we didn’t use in time. When you opened the fridge, it was hard to find things that looked delicious and we ate out quite often.

The Ruly Challenge was a good experience for us as it forced us to pick through all the “stuff” in the fridge. Most of it we ate, some of it we tossed. We eliminated about 20 bottles of old salad dressings, soy sauce, etc. in the door of the fridge, rearranged the shelving to maximize space, gave it all a good cleaning (trying out the eco-friendly cleaning method of baking soda and water which worked great!) and the new result is working much better for us.

In fact, it is working so well that I am now convinced that given the option, we would purchase a smaller fridge to save energy and space. The bottom two shelves of our fridge are practically unused.

I created a new informal system within the fridge to help us keep things organized. I used many of the tips I posted here. The major changes were to put all the leftovers and items expiring soon at eye level so they are the first things we see when we open the fridge. On the freezer side, our previous eye-level food was ice cream. We don’t need any visual reminders to eat ice cream so we moved that down to the bottom, less accessible part of the fridge. Below is my fridge organization system (which reminds me a bit of a Richard Scarry illustration).

My Fridge Organization System

We have been living with this arrangement for a little over a month now and I am pleased to say that the fridge still looks about the same as when we took these pictures! Of course, it doesn’t look like this all the time. I recently unburied it again from all the great holiday cards I posted on there. Also, when my husband was putting away groceries recently, he rearranged much of the freezer to make the frozen food boxes fit (a frequent problem in side-by-side fridges). After some initial panic over the change to my work, I realized that things would get back to “normal” as soon as we ate the frozen foods and sure enough that is what happened. It took less than five minutes to get my system back once the frozen foods were gone.

Keeping the fridge food levels to a minimum is really the key to keeping the fridge looking like this. When you keep the food levels low and have an assigned section for each food category, you quickly see what is outgrowing its space that you need to address. For us, the “leftover” and “eat now” section is the one that is constantly getting out of hand. When we start getting Tupperware containers on the bread shelf in the fridge, I know it is time to stop cooking (or stop grocery shopping) and start eating what we already have.

When I was cooking over the holidays, it was also a lesson to me to just purchase the ingredients for the 2 or 3 special meals I was going to prepare. With the meals and leftovers, we could eat for several days or even a week. I didn’t need to stock up on frozen foods, meats, etc. at the same time. This is something that we have grown so accustomed to doing that it feels strange to check out with a lighter cart. In fact, when I was doing my grocery shopping, I overheard the following conversation:

“Look, honey, the beef is on sale! Should we stock up?”

“No, I am trying to use the stuff we already have in the deep freezer downstairs.”

“But it’s a really good buy!”

“No….well, OK, maybe just one.”

Sure enough, they added another roast to their cart. We have never had a deep freezer and don’t plan to get one. I have enough trouble staying on top of the things in the small freezer we currently have! Also, while some people insist a second freezer is a great way to lock in bargains and save money, I am not sure this is necessarily true. To reap the benefits of a deep freezer system, you would have to really know the cost of all the meals you prepare and know that you would definitely eat whatever it is that you are purchasing in bulk. You would also have to be saving at least as much money as it costs you to run the deep freezer in electricity costs. In our experience, there is always something on sale that we find appetizing every time we go to the grocery store. Also, I know that I get tired of eating the same things again and again and that I tend to forget about things that I purchased in the past. I have never felt that I was wasting money by not having a deep freezer.

Of course, in full disclosure (although what can be more “full disclosure” than displaying the contents of your refrigerator on the Internet for all to see!), I have little expertise as a cook and make complicated dishes with multiple ingredients probably once a decade. However, I have learned from the many good cooks in my family that often times a few good simple ingredients can be just as flavorful. My new fridge system works well for my style of cooking. There certainly could be many other options that work well in other situations.

It was a serendipitous choice to start my minimalist efforts with my fridge. The fridge has been a good teacher for several reasons. First, we don’t mourn the loss of items like wilted salad greens or old bottles of condiments. It is a relief and a joy to throw those out! Second, if you start getting too much in the fridge, you just start eating. There is no complicated process to list the items for sale, bag them up for Goodwill, etc. Learning what the minimum in food consumption is will be helpful to our waistlines in the long term as well. If we are not stocking up on it, we are less likely to impulse eat it.  The fridge challenge is one that you can start at any time. You may be surprised at what your refrigerator is waiting to teach you.

What are your fridge organization secrets? Please share in the comments. (As a reminder, anyone posting a comment this month can receive a Ruly thank you note if you send me your address at info@beruly.com). Thanks to all for the great comments on the last post as well as the great comments I am getting behind the scenes!

Have a great weekend!