r u l y

Unbelievably, it is the end of another month already!  Being occupied with so many holiday preparations, the month flew by.  Here is a recap of this Ruly December:

• We kicked off the month with Rajiv Agarwal’s Ruly Mix and readers danced as they went  about their holiday preparations.
• We reviewed “Hundred Dollar Holiday” by Bill McKibben and discussed the concept of spending less for a more joyous holiday.
• We discussed several options for homemade gifts involving more time than money, specifically crafts and food.
• We discussed options for businesses to recognize the holidays and Ruly Ruth provided tips for surviving the office holiday party.
• We received expert tips for coping with holiday stress and discussed how to cope with unexpected changes, such as the east coast blizzard.
• We discussed options for streamlining tasks like mailing holiday cards and wrapping gifts and provided a worksheet to get a headstart for 2010 holiday planning.

I am still in the midst of my 2009 holiday recovery, specifically my thank you notes.  If I could have one goal for 2010 it would be to stay on top of my thank you notes.  One of my great flaws as a human being is my failure to write thank you notes.  There are tremendously generous people in my life who amazingly continue to do me favors and give me wonderful things despite my lack of thank yous.  There are also many good examples among my friends and family who meticulously write a prompt thank you note for each gift or favor (large and small) received.

Part of my hang up about writing thank you notes is a perfectionist problem.  I don’t want to write just a note acknowledging receipt, I want to write a note expressing just how fabulous I think the giver is–a note that might give them as much delight as their kindness or present gave to me.   If I would just settle for less, I am sure I could get my notes out and maybe even on time.  And, who knows, maybe the people who have received notes from me, don’t really find them all that more fabulous than just a few brief lines sent timely saying, “Thanks!  You made my day!”

Some of the blame for this perfectionist problem, however, lies in the thank you note advice commonly perpetuated.  Take this recent example from the Wall Street Journal:

“Mr. Parker usually sends his thank-you notes on four-by-six-inch cards with his name and address printed across the top. He favors heavier paper and cards with printed words that are raised . . .When writing a card, Mr. Parker eschews everyday ballpoint pens. . .  He uses ink in a different color from the printed message on the card . . . Before he writes his note, he sometimes practices writing a line several times to see how it looks on paper. . .  His rule of thumb: ‘The thought behind the thank-you should be equal to or greater than the thought that went into the gift.’”

–Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan, “The Art of the Thank You Note,” The Wall Street Journal, December 24, 2009

I have to say that I have never taken as much care with a thank you note as Geoffrey Parker.  I would never get mine out if I obsessed this much!  But I can only imagine how fabulous it must be to get one of these Parker thank yous.  I would probably end up framing mine.

With these high expectations for thank you notes, no wonder they can seem like such a burden to send!  And, of course, the longer you wait to send the thank you, the higher the expectation becomes in your mind.  At a certain point of delay, a mere thank you note no longer cuts it. A short novel describing how your life has changed from the receipt of the gift, photos and perhaps even a small gift in return seems more appropriate.

I sympathized completely with this recent posting from author/blogger Aidan Donnelley Rowley on “Pathetiquette.”

“If you are reading this and sent me a Christmas gift before 2004, I am sorry. I’m sure I liked it. Whatever it was.”

–Aidan Donnelley Rowley, “Pathetiquette” Ivy League Insecurities Blog, December 8, 2009.

While, in theory, a gift is given with nothing expected in return, it is important to say thank you.  This posting on “Why do we say ‘Thank You?’ Does it Really Matter?” at MarketingProfs has some fascinating comments by marketing professionals.  A few examples:

“Thank you is the most important part of any interpersonal relationship. . . . Thank you is the reason we do things. Not for money or glory. But, for the opportunity to have someone say Thank you . . . . ”

–Randall, WMMA

“We say thank you entirely too often on its own. To be effective – in fact, to be heard in today’s ‘thank you’ society – you must attach a situation or behavior to thanks. For instance, ‘Thank you; I appreciate your confidence in our services.’ or ‘Thank you; your research will make my report so much better.’ or ‘Thanks; this has been a great conversation. I’ll have something new to think about on my way home tonight.’

–macpaddy

While we are on the subject of thank yous, I would like to express my sincere thank you to my readers for your faithful readership and for the excellent comments that have been coming in.  Your participation adds so much value to this blog and to our collective Ruly knowledge and inspires me greatly.

Hope you have a great time ringing in 2010 and type to you on Friday!  May the new decade bring only wonderful things to all of you!

My brain is still in holiday mode and posting this morning is taking a bit more effort than usual. Hope those who celebrated Christmas had a marvelous holiday!

Those celebrating Kwanzaa are just getting started, focusing today on the principle of “Ujima” (Collective Work and Responsibility), described as “To build and maintain our community together and make our brother’s and sister’s problems our problems and to solve them together.” We could all use a little more Ujima in the world today.

Since most of the major holidays are over or nearly over for 2009, I wanted today’s post to give you a small challenge to think about your holiday experience this year and give you some ideas to plan for next year to reduce your stress and make your holiday more enjoyable.

This year was a different sort of holiday experience for many people. At our home, Christmas did seem a bit more scaled back, although this was not a conscious effort on our part. For the first time in years, we felt that the level of presents was just the right amount–enough to feel “special” but not enough to be overwhelming.

There were many wonderful things about this Christmas. Some of our favorite moments were:

• Christmas Eve dinner when our girls went down for a late-afternoon/early evening nap, affording my husband and I the rare opportunity for a quiet dinner together with uninterrupted conversation.
• The smells of soup and pot roast simmering in the Crockpot throughout the day.
• Eating home-cooked meals together at our dining room table, including fresh, soft cookies for dessert.
• The squeals of delight on Christmas morning.
• The rare white Christmas due to the recent snowfall.

There were also things we would change next year, including:

• Making the annual holiday card photo shoot less stressful and more fun.
• Reducing the amount of time spent sending out said cards.
• Reducing the amount of time and effort needed for cleaning the house right before Christmas.

Fortunately, we were able to keep our spending on holiday expenses to a comfortable level and will not go into debt as a result. After many years of opening surprise credit card bills in January and February, I have become a bit of a nerd about tracking holiday spending, dutifully recording each expense in a spreadsheet as we buy the presents. This helps me both maintain a budget and make sure that I have a gift for each person on my list. It also gives me a gift record to look back and remember what I purchased for each person in the past.

If your holiday drained you financially or stressed you out, I have come up with a worksheet that will help you understand where your money or time is going when it comes to holiday events. You can download the worksheet here:

• Ruly-2010HolidayWorksheet

Each category (Decorations, Gifts, Cards, etc.) is represented in two columns: Expenses and Time. This format helps you to see the tradeoffs between time and money. I have also provided suggestions for areas where you can either save time or reduce expenses if you are going over budget in either area.

As I worked through the worksheet myself, it was interesting to quantify exactly why it is that we feel holiday stress. When you add up the expense and the time involved, it is significant. Most of the to do list items cannot be done much in advance of the holidays either, with gift shopping and some food preparation the rare examples. Each year, there will always be a crush of activity during November and December. With a budget for time and money in advance, however, it will perhaps be easier to anticipate what needs to get done and feel less guilt about what is not going to get done.

I plan to take my list and mark in tentative dates on my 2010 calendar for when I will accomplish the various holiday tasks. I don’t like to get too firm on my scheduling to allow room for spontaneity or everyday “disasters.” For example, there is sure to be at least one weekend next November or December when we are all sick with the latest cold or flu virus and too exhausted to maintain a rigorous holiday schedule.

I hope that this planning worksheet gives you some insight into your own holiday planning. To best use it, make sure that you are keeping in mind the things you enjoy the most about the holidays and budget for those things first, then add in things that you “have to” do and “optional” things last.

What were your favorite things about holiday 2009? What would you do differently next year? Please share in the comments.

With less than 48 hours to Christmas morning, life is proceeding at a frenzied pace at our home. We are now unburied from the snowstorm and mobile and able to complete our holiday errands. Apparently everyone else in the area has the same idea and I am hearing reports of crowds and parking hassles at every major shopping center. Good news for retailers and the economy, though! Also, in my last post, I questioned whether delivery services would be delayed due to the storm. I am shocked to report that the U.S. Postal Service in our area never missed a day of delivery! Somehow we received mail on both Saturday and Monday. Incredible!

Today, I have a few odds and ends to post about holiday preparations.

Holiday cards
Yesterday, I spent 9.5 hours getting our holiday cards ready. I try to streamline the process by keeping all of my names and addresses in an Excel spreadsheet. Throughout the year, whenever someone tells me they have moved, the first place I update is the holiday card list and note the date that the update was received. The list is useful for birthday and other invitations throughout the year as well.

There is still some time involved, however, to mail merge the list onto labels and update some addresses. The Washington Post wrote an interesting article about the decline in holiday cards this year. I was most interested in this vignette suggesting that social networking sites like Facebook are intruding on the practice of holiday cards:

“. . . Charbonneau reluctantly swapped a holiday greetings model dating back to the 1800s for this four-sentence posting on Facebook: ‘Dear Everyone, Please consider this your holiday card for the year. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Yule, and so on. Sorry to be a lame friend but, really, I’m just not Superwoman. I admit defeat on holiday cards.’ . . . ‘I like this card . . . consider yours this reply,’ responded one, closing the yearly greetings loop in eight words and about 10 seconds.”

-Steve Hendrix, “Fewer People Are Sending Holiday Cards Via Snail Mail in 2009,” The Washington Post

This year, my holiday card process took extra long because I ended up writing many long overdue thank you notes to include with the cards. I am glad to go into the Christmas season caught up on the thank you notes as there are many more to come soon. While I am still searching for a good solution to streamline my thank you note writing process, this free Thank You Note tracker printable from Family Fun has at least given me a place to consolidate all the thank yous to be written in a single place.

Wrapping Paper
I am one of those tactile people who has always enjoyed wrapping presents. I like getting out the big rolls of paper, putting on the tape and finishing it all off with a ribbon and gift tag. I also like hints for unique wrapping ideas, like this “rip cord” wrapping paper technique that allows for quick opening.

This year, I saw this suggestion from Martha Stewart for a “gift wrapping station.” While I think this looks beautiful, I know it is not practical for our home as we don’t have a space like this and my husband feels that it is just an invitation for little hands to pull the paper and ribbons off the spools. As I was thinking about why I liked the “gift wrapping station,” I realized that it was not about the station itself but the simplicity it contained. Notice that there is only one all-purpose roll of wrapping paper in the station. The four types of ribbon give enough options for different types of presents (birthday, holiday, housewarming, etc.).

My frugal and simple version of the gift wrapping station was to take the wrapping paper I already have and turn it inside out so that the printed side of the paper faced inward and the outside was white. I put on a festive holiday ribbon and the presents looked great! We will see if the recipients realize that the inside of their Christmas presents say “Happy Birthday.” (Of course, if you purchase the perfectionist wrapping paper with the grid marks on the back, you might not be able to use this hint—although grid marks might make for a neat “plaid” effect.)

Wrapping paper is not very environmentally friendly and I was also thinking about options to throwing away a huge garbage sack full of papers. My first thought was to find “wrapping paper” that could be recycled, like a wide roll of plain newsprint or white office paper. I have not yet found a source like this. I also found ideas (again from Martha Stewart) for re-using materials such as children’s artwork, shopping bags, paper towels, old phone books and old calendar pages. The most unique idea I found, however, was to borrow a Japanese tradition and wrap and tie the gifts in fabric, furoshiki style.  I will keep these ideas in mind for next year.

Christmas tree
Our artificial tree is now out of the basement and assembled but still awaiting ornaments. We discovered to our horror that the entire tree smelled of dead mouse! Fortunately, there was no mouse to be found and after airing our for a few days and with the help of a pine-floral air freshener (still looking for a true pine scented fragrance) the stench is gone.

While our tree is going up later than most, I was heartened to read this description in the book “Christmas in Colonial and Early America,”

“Christmas Eve was probably the busiest night of the year in most American homes [in the 1870’s]. There was the last-minute wrapping of packages to be done, and rushing a belated Christmas card across town to that old friend who had somehow been forgotten until his card arrived late in the afternoon. Many of the house decorations, too, waited until the eleventh hour because there was an old belief that some Christmas greenery would bring misfortune to the family if brought into the house before Christmas Eve.”

–World Book, Christmas in Colonial and Early America

Once the tree was up, however, my little ones knew it was Christmas and that is priceless. They are busy decorating and undecorating the tree. We have ornaments strewn all over the house now.

In light of the Christmas holiday, this will be my last post for the week. I will be back again on Monday. To those who celebrate, wishing you a very Merry Christmas!

How are your holiday preparations coming along? Please post in the comments.

This weekend was the great blizzard of 2009 here on the east coast. At our house, we received a whopping 24 1/2 inches of snow! This is more snow than I have ever experienced in a single storm. Our children are delighted and puzzled by the snow. Virginia rarely gets snow of much staying power during the winter so this is a special treat. We are still snowbound at the moment, waiting for a private contractor to plow our driveway.

This storm will certainly cause many people to readjust their Christmas plans. From interrupted flights to canceled parties and performances to delays in mail and deliveries and even lost shopping time, the effects of the storm are far-reaching.

Fortunately, we did not lose power or internet access during the storm, and our neighborhood has been communicating by email. It is interesting to see how different people cope with this forced pause in their lives. Some people are going out to enjoy sledding and snowball fights with their children. Others are madly shoveling the driveway and clearing the walks, eager to be able to get back to their normal routines. During the storm, I was shocked by the number of people risking their lives on the highways and getting stranded by the side of the road–trying to get to whatever destination they were headed to as though they were impervious to the snow.

This storm causes us to think about how we cope with unexpected change. Some people adopt an “Oh Well” approach, quickly letting go of their old goals and adopting new ones reflective of the new situation. Others can’t let go of the old goals and doggedly pursue them even though the changed circumstances would not have permitted the original goal to be set in the first place.

Can you imagine the conversations that must be taking place today at the post office and delivery services? The Christmas delivery deadlines were already tight as of last week. This week, with shipments inevitably delayed or slowed by the poor weather conditions, will the delivery services be working overtime or will they “oh well” it, rely on the “no guarantee” clauses in their December delivery schedules and readjust their planning for the week after Christmas. Interestingly, there are no statements on any of the delivery services websites indicating what their plans are in light of the storms.

It is probably no fun working in airline customer service this morning either. If your flight to grandma’s was canceled due to the storm, you might not be going at all, might be going after Christmas or you might have to pay a lot more to make it by Christmas. Some of the airlines have been proactive about preparing people for the changes:

• Delta
• Southwest

Small businesses and retailers are surely hurting from the loss of shoppers this weekend. Yet, there are few indications of how they will cope with the change. Extend hours these last few days before Christmas? Offer additional sales and discounts to lure those last-minute shoppers? Do nothing? The communications are silent.

On a personal level, how do you prepare your children (or Grandma) that you might not be together on Christmas? What if “Santa” has been delayed by UPS?

1. First, don’t lose sight of the big goals and don’t let your own expectations of perfection get in the way. The important goal is staying close with those you care about. If Grandma comes after Christmas (or in the spring) it is just as special. If Santa delivers late, perhaps he can leave a note about the helper that got lost in the snow, with a small treat. Children, after all, need to learn about coping with change too.
2. Remember that you are not the only one who is disappointed. There are many other people in your situation or facing even more difficult hardships. Think of the number of military families separated this Christmas, for example.
3. Focus on the positive. If you are healthy, be grateful! If you are currently employed, be appreciative! If you are not in financial distress, give a cheer! Even if your world seems to be crashing down around you, things can (unfortunately) always be worse. There is always something to be grateful about. Find those small things. A good hair day? A reliable car? A beautiful sunrise?
4. Keep your sense of humor. Perhaps a good natured grousing session, allowing everyone to express how disappointed they are will allow everyone a good laugh about how hung up we can all become on the small details.
5. Remember this experience and build in a “disaster” factor into your future plans. Relaxed people don’t count on everything going perfectly all the time. They build in some time for mistakes, unforeseen events or even a change of heart. The unexpected is as much a part of good planning as the expected.

For those on the east coast, hoping you are warm and safe! Type to you on Wednesday.

One week to go until Christmas and the stress is piling on. Today is the last day most places are offering online shopping for guaranteed Christmas delivery and effectively the last day to ship gifts (but see previous post on shipping deadlines). I sent some photos yesterday for one-hour printing and the photo store is so backed up “one hour photo” is now “24 hour photo.”

With all of the things that happen in our normal day-to-day lives, it is really quite amazing that we manage to fit in all the extra tasks of the holiday season on top of them. Cooking, decorating, sending cards, buying gifts, attending parties, etc. If you have a heavy workload at your job or a personal crisis erupts, trying to get through all of the holiday season tasks can be overwhelming to the point of paralyzing.

What can you do if you are overwhelmed by the holiday season?

The American Psychological Association has some great tips. Interestingly, their first recommendation is:

“Take stock of your expectations and make sure they’re realistic. Don’t expect more of this time of year than of any other.”

–”How to Stay Calm During the Holidays,” American Psychological Association

The Mayo Clinic’s first stress-coping tip is to “acknowledge your feelings.”

“It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.”

–”Stress, Depression and The Holidays: 10 Tips for Coping,” Mayo Clinic

The Cleveland Clinic provides many practical tips along three key themes:

• Simplify.
• Let go of unrealistic expectations, particularly the desire for perfection.
• Invest your energies wisely.

–”Coping with Holiday Stress,” The Cleveland Clinic

As I think about my own holiday stress and how it could possibly be prevented, I think the advice above about simplifying and setting reasonable expectations is more important than simply time management. If I were “perfect” and had to accomplish all of the items on my holiday to do list with less stress, my schedule would probably look something like this:

Immediately after this Christmas, take stock of how many presents we sent and received. Decide gifting and card lists for next year. Set holiday budget for next year. If following Hundred Dollar Holiday, start thinking about what will be given next year. If handmade gifts will be given, start making them or planning for them.

Throughout the year, budget and save a set amount per month for holiday shopping and make any handmade gifts.

Early November – review Christmas card list, update any addresses. Print address labels. Order any gifts requiring special processing (such as framing projects, photo books, etc.)

Thanksgiving weekend – take holiday card photo (or select an existing photo) , decorate the house and put up the tree. Do a minor amount of shopping for streamlined gift list.

First week in December – All gifts requiring special processing are complete

Approximately December 10 – All gifts to be shipped and holiday cards are in the mail. All shopping is complete. All gifts are wrapped.

Aim to host or attend all holiday parties after December 10 when there will be time left for cooking, crafting, decorating, etc.

I would effectively have to be thinking about Christmas a little bit every month until the next Christmas. On this schedule, I would worry about Christmas burnout. It seems like a choice between Christmas burnout and Christmas stress. Neither one is all that appealing. Also, if one little thing goes wrong in my burnout schedule, I am back to holiday stress.

It is hard to think about what to cut out as well. Slim down the holiday card list? Possibly, but for some of the names on our list, it is the one time per year we actually correspond. Slim down the gift list? Good possibilities there, actually if everyone in our exchange circle gets on board. Decorations? We are getting better at this one this year. When I put away the decorations, I think I will box and label them according to the location where they go (ex. mantel decorations, staircase garland, etc.) so next year, we just grab a box and take it to the right location. Our artificial tree is still a ton of work, though (and heavy too) but the girls love it.

Perhaps the best goal is to accept that each year something is not going to go as planned. For years, the first thing to slip for us was the holiday cards. We would get them out sometime around New Years. We decided though that the holiday cards were one of the great joys of the season for us. We love to see everyone’s photos and updates. We also learned that some people won’t send you a card if you don’t send a card first so we are trying to get them out earlier and earlier each year (although they have not gone out yet this year!). Lately, some gifts are slipping or online gift certificates are ordered. We also don’t put much energy into our decorations. I still have to get the tree up this weekend.

The biggest stress reducer, however, was deciding not to travel during the holidays once we had children. While we love to see our families and miss them dearly during the holidays, we don’t miss the airport crowds, the inevitable cold and flu germs and luggage packed to the gills with presents. There is enough gear involved traveling with small children and we would not be able to handle the extra load of presents. The expense of travel builds with more family members too and it is nice not to have that expense on top of all the other holiday expenses. The actual holiday celebrations are much quieter for us now but we are learning to start our own family traditions and enjoying the time together.

How is your holiday stress level? If you are stressed out, what would you cut out or relax about to get your stress level down? Wishing you good energy for the weekend to accomplish your goals!

According to some, I am the “Queen of Parties.” I truly love going to parties and I host plenty of my own get-togethers too. I know at least a dozen people I could call right now to invite to any kind of celebration. I have a running list of quick foods and appetizers I can prepare and I can make small talk with anyone and have a great time doing it. To me, a party is not a stress. It is just fun.

Some might be shocked at the pace of my social calendar. Since mid-November, I have planned and attended the Marine Officer Wives of the China Lake Marine Air Division’s pre-Marine Corps Birthday Ball cocktail party and the Marine Corps Ball itself, a monthly wine club tasting dinner I’m a member of, Thanksgiving turkey sourcing, my son’s 3rd grade Great American feast potluck, my son’s piano teacher’s concert, the Marine Air Division Kids Holiday Party, our squadron’s adult Christmas party, as well as our annual Kids Party for the squadron where Santa arrives on a helicopter. (And that is the very best thing of all!)

Anne tells me that not everyone is this social and asked me to give some survival pointers to those who are less enthusiastic about attending formal parties, specifically, the office holiday party.

First, why have an office party at all? It’s not like we don’t see each other every single day of the entire year. The reason is to get to know one another on a different level. During one holiday party dinner, two gentlemen I was sitting with had worked in the same industry for over 20 years together. For the first time in all of those years, these two men discussed extensively their antique car collections, muscle cars and races and all things cars. They never knew each other’s passion for this subject. And I learned a lot about cars that evening. It’s always fascinating to see what other people’s interests are outside of work. And the best way to do that is the office party.

At another party, I discussed with a coworker of 5+ years, golf. It turns out he competed extensively all through high school, was the member of prestigious golf clubs in the southern California area, and gave me start-up tips and even helped me select my clubs. (Which are fabulous, I must say!) I NEVER would have found this out (or it would have taken MUCH longer) just in a normal work environment. So when you attend these parties—sit by someone you don’t know and learn something about them. As you can see, being open to learning something new and asking a lot of questions are some of the secrets to great conversation.

The first thing you need for a good office party is someone that WANTS to plan it. I will never forget Karen and Lori—who for one Halloween maximized a small budget and decorated our conference room to the 9s!! It was so much fun! The company sponsored pizza and soda, and people brought a dessert to share. So send out an email asking for a volunteer(s) to plan the event.

Don’t just randomly assign the party planning to someone who may or may not want to do it or the person or position who “always does it.” The energy of a good planner (or better yet, a planning committee) translates into all aspects of the party and has a big impact on whether people want to attend and whether they will have a good time. I find that a three to four-person committee works best for party planning with a coordinator (to oversee, keep everyone energized and promote the party–this is usually me), several artistically talented folks to help with decorations and invitations, and of course, a good cook to organize the food. A side benefit of a planning committee is that you have more people invested in the party who will then attend to show off their handiwork.

Office parties don’t have to be complicated. A party can be as simple as making reservations for lunch out of the office at a local restaurant. A change of scenery does wonders for morale! The restaurant does not have to be expensive either–a local diner, local chain restaurant or even fast food restaurant all can work with the right planning and promotion.

Potluck is also a common office holiday party tradition. Potlucks are great because they are cheap (or even free) and also offer built-in conversation starters (“Yum! This is delicious! Who made this?” “What’s in this?” “Someone else loves ____ as much as I do?!?”) At one company I worked for, everyone was asked to bring their favorite food for the potluck. While we enjoyed many delicious and lovingly-homemade foods, there were also pre-made deli plates and, most famously, one friend brought literally 15 cheeseburgers from Burger King to add to the menu.

Entertainment is key! Yes, there must be an activity/game, something that will bring people out of their shells. (No groaning, please!) If musical chairs or limbo are not your style, read on for some other suggestions. At one company I worked for, we had great fun with a DVD exchange. For those of you not schooled in the “exchange” system, I will review the rules. Everyone that wanted to participate bought a DVD, wrapped it and then we each drew numbers. #1 gets to pick first, then #2—and you can steal the other person’s DVD if you liked that one better. Usually the 3rd owner of the DVD keeps it and it can’t be stolen after that—and at the end of the game #1 gets to steal any DVDs that haven’t had 3 owners at the end of the game. Hilarity ensues as everyone argues over the best presents. A great DVD gift item from that party was Phil’s—he bought the movie Ratatouille, added a bottle of inexpensive French wine, and included a recipe for Ratatouille. Very clever! New kids’ videos were also a hot commodity. I ended up with “Knocked Up”—very funny movie if you haven’t seen it. In place of DVDs, a white elephant could be done instead where anything—good/bad/ugly can be wrapped. That can be an absolute hoot! Last year at one party I received a broken ceramic rooster. That’s a keeper for sure!

Also company trivia (or any trivia) contest can be good. One company nicknamed their database Claven—after Cliff Claven (the know-it-all) on Cheers. Or a raffle of 5 or 10 low-priced items, like movie tickets, Starbucks $5 gift cards–small things that are fun to receive and use and make people interact with each other.

If you are not very excited about going to an office party but you have to go, what can you do personally to make the experience more fun? Show up with a positive attitude. That’s the best thing ANYONE can contribute—because after all, someone has gone to the trouble to plan this event. Whether it’s any good or not is most dependent on the people who show, and the attitude they bring. Fun people can trump a bad menu, lack of entertainment, whatever problem may arise. So enjoy yourself! Usually these are just once a year!!

What are your favorite office holiday party memories or ideas? Please post in the comments.

Time is becoming ever more precious in our household with just 11 days to go before Christmas. We have done most of the shopping but still have presents to wrap and ship and decorations to put up.

For anyone shipping presents this year, I will pass on a shipping lesson I learned the hard way a few years back. Each of the major carriers (UPS, FedEx, U.S. Post Office) has a deadline in their fine print after which they will no longer guarantee that your package will arrive on time for Christmas. Sure, they will still take your package and will still let you pay the expedited shipping price but there is no guarantee that your package will make it by Christmas and, more importantly, no refund if it does not. You would think that this information would be printed somewhere in big, bold letters not the fine print. For reference, here is my summary of this year’s fine print.

Bottom line: Get any packages in the mail in the next few days or tell your recipients that they are arriving after Christmas or send online gift certificates.

If you are employed or a business owner, in addition to your personal holiday errands you have the added burden of business holiday errands. What are businesses expected to do for the holidays?

While most of the year, businesses generally ignore the holidays, the December holidays (and Thanksgiving) are usually an exception. Many successful businesses use the December holidays as an opportunity to reconnect with their best clients and employees and thank them for their business and hard work over the past year. This can be done in a number of ways.

1.  Cards – Most businesses do send a holiday card to their clients and business partners. The message is typically a generic “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays” or “Wishing you a prosperous New Year.” Last year, many businesses stopped sending paper cards and began sending electronic cards, both to save printing and postage expenses and as an eco-friendly initiative.

Do you have to send business holiday cards? There is certainly no requirement but if you are in the sales department or in any type of position where cultivating a good personal relationship with your contact is an asset, the answer is probably yes. With holiday cards, you don’t tend to get a lot of business goodwill if you send them, but you certainly can generate “bad will” if you don’t send them or if you don’t send them in the right way. The “scoring” for corporate holiday cards tends to go as follows:

Negative points – You don’t send a holiday card when someone expects one. Some people view their holiday card collection as a popularity contest. If you don’t send a card, it is almost as though you sent a card saying, “You’re not that important.” You can also score negative points if you send a card to someone’s boss but forget the lower-level contact you were dealing with directly.

Zero points – You send a generic card pre-printed with your name or a mass e-mail. A good effort (and sometimes, given work time pressures, all that can be managed) but nothing spectacular.

Positive points – You write a short personal note with your card thanking the person for their business or mentioning something specific you appreciated. Your corporate card reflects something unique about your business and reminds the recipient of why they chose to work with you in the first place.

2.  Gifts – Corporate gifts are becoming more and more difficult to give and receive. Before you send a gift to a corporate client, make sure that it is not going to trigger some sort of conflict of interest problem for them (or for your own business!). In today’s economic climate, modesty is the preferred course so any gifts should be small tokens rather than outrageous displays of expense. Food is the most common business gift, from fruit baskets to chocolates and popcorn tins. Generally, these gifts are put out in a common space for the entire staff to share, along with your card. I have to say that when a gift basket works, it generally works very well and does generate tremendous goodwill for a business.

3. Decorations – This is a tough one if you have a diverse workforce representing many different cultural backgrounds. It is one thing to give a holiday card that says “Season’s Greetings” but designing your decorations to be generic is tough. Most corporate decorations look quite Christmas-y with trees or wreaths or presents. To be really elegant, you might need the help of a professional designer to come up with something that is more generic and appropriate for your workspace. You could also solicit suggestions from your employees.

There are a few don’ts with decorations. Candles are not recommended due to the fire hazard they pose. Plants can also be difficult as they trigger allergies in some people and can be breeding grounds for gnats and other bugs. Also, if your plants need watering or tending, make sure to hire a company to do this or assign someone in the office or the plants will look terrible within a few days and your money is wasted. Finally, if your company is struggling or has had to reduce employee pay recently, be very careful with your decorating budget. Instead of cheering your employees, the employees will only be reminded that when given a choice whether to give a raise to employees or decorate the office, the office decorations took priority.

4. Parties and Gatherings – The office holiday party is both loved and loathed by employees. It can be extravagant or simple. Ruly Ruth is going to give us some advice on this on Wednesday. Some businesses elect to forgo the office holiday party altogether. Unfortunately, since the office holiday party often coincides with end of the year budgeting considerations, it can be a difficult time of year to make merry. One company laid off half its staff in early December one year only to realize that the holiday party scheduled a week later was inappropriate. The party was canceled a few days later.

5.  Bonuses – The holiday bonus has become an endangered species in recent years. Few companies offer them and typically they are only awarded to executives. Most employees would agree that the best way to say “thank you for your hard work” is in dollars. If that is economically impossible, then the next best “bonus” would be a sincere expression of gratitude and perhaps a small token gift. One employer sent a $20 grocery gift card each Thanksgiving along with a brief note of thanks to its employees. It was a meaningful and thoughtful present.

What steps is your business taking to recognize the holidays this year? Please share in the comments.

If the idea of crafts does not excite you for handmade holiday presents, another option is food. Food is in many ways a great gift. It is delicious but also consumable so the giver doesn’t have to worry about storing it, dusting it, displaying it, etc. Food is the source of many fond holiday memories for many people. It is also one of the chief ways we hand down traditions from generation to generation and remember our ethnic and cultural heritage.

If you are a great cook, this is your moment to shine! You can adopt a signature food that you give every holiday season. Some of the staple food gifts in our families have been:

• Virginia fudge (made in Utah! with brown sugar and marshmallows)
• Greek cookies: Koulourakia, Melomakarona, and Baklava
• White chocolate dipped pretzels (an interesting mixture of salty and sweet)
• Garapiñados (candied almonds)
• English toffee
• Mint jelly

One of the most interesting food gift traditions to me is fruitcake. In my lifetime, I have met many people who make or give fruitcake but I have yet to meet a person who actually enjoys eating it! I don’t particularly care for it myself. I think some people make it out of a sense of obligation to traditions past. Fruitcake might have been a popular dessert at some point in time but in today’s world with so many options for sweet things to eat (especially chocolate), fruitcake seems more akin to something like wheat germ or spinach, that is good for you but not especially craveable, than a treat. (If you are a fruitcake lover, please fill me in on what I am missing in the comments.)

You can give food in many ways. My favorite way to receive food is in the ready-to-eat variety (a plate of cookies, a jar of salsa, etc.). You can also give pre-made baking mixes with a recipe attached. For a zillion, “mix in a jar” ideas, including cookies, flavored coffees, hot chocolate, soups and spice mixes, check out this link.   Another idea is to give a nice holiday card with one of your favorite recipes printed on the back (bonus points if you include a picture of the food or yourself or family members eating the food).

The downside of food gifts, of course, is when you have people with special diets or allergies on your list. Many people struggling with their weight detest receiving sweets. There are also those who are just picky and won’t eat anything that they don’t already know and like. For folks on a diet (and really anyone these days!), a smaller sized portion of your goodies would be thoughtful–enough to get a taste but not enough to over-indulge. For the picky folks, the recipe route might be the way to go, unless if you are willing to make a special food that is exactly to their liking.

If you are not a cook, you can of course purchase food as well. One of the most thoughtful presents I received when I just delivered my first child was a fruit and sweets box from Harry & David. It was great to serve to folks dropping in to visit or for us to snack on when I was too tired to cook. We have also received and enjoyed grapefruit juice from Pittman & Davis and Priester’s pecan pies. If you are going to purchase food, make sure you purchase something of excellent quality and something that the person is likely to eat.  Beware of cultural sensitivities in this area too.  Sausage or alcohol might be unacceptable to some people.  Less is more when it comes to food. A really nice small box of Godiva chocolates is more of a treat than an enormous but cheap assortment box. Local restaurants may also offer food gifts that could introduce the recipient to a new restaurant as well. The Metrocurean blog offers some great local food gift suggestions for those in the Washington, DC area.

This evening at sundown is the start of Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate! I looked up what foods are popular during Hanukkah. According to judaism.about.com, fried foods and dairy foods are the staple foods during Hanukkah. Soofganiot (fried donuts) and fried potato latkas are favorites. On the dairy side, cheesecake, cheese blintzes, cheese kreplach (like a tortellini) and even cheese pizza are popular. You also must check out this story on NPR about the Hanukkah song Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch wrote in collaboration with writer Jeffrey Goldberg….it’s actually kind of catchy!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Exploring the concept of Hundred Dollar Holiday, you might be wondering what types of gifts you can give that don’t cost a lot but will be valued by the recipient. Over the next couple of posts, we will come up with some suggestions that you can either use this year or think about for next year.

Handmade gifts are often one of the first suggestions for those on a budget. While many people (like myself) think handmade gifts are fantastic, there are those who groan at the concept. Not everyone likes them and not everyone has the time or talent to make great handmade gifts.

If you are not crafty, there is good news, there are hundreds of crafty people out there selling really cool stuff for not a lot of money. You don’t need to frequent craft shows to find them either. If you have not heard of the website Etsy, you should definitely pay it a visit. Etsy is dedicated to the sale of handmade and vintage items but also lists a variety of cool and offbeat stuff. Etsy sells everything from jewelry to craft items to handmade cards, fashion and unique screenprinted shirts. Some examples:

• Bacon magnets from the Design Dude for $4.99
• A living terrarium ornament for $12.99
• A supernova custom screenprinted men’s T-shirt for $14
• A vintage 1960’s black cocktail dress for $38

If you don’t have time to browse through the site yourself to find the coolest stuff, Etsy also provides “finders” to find gifts along certain themes. You can check out their finds at their website or sign up for their email updates. If you are looking for a unique, personal gift, Etsy is your spot.

If you are crafty, so much the better! The only caution here, though is to think carefully about what types of gifts will be appreciated by your recipient. Something might be fun to make but totally impractical. Also, you have to have a bit of a thick skin with your handwork. If people don’t like your creations, don’t be disheartened if the recipient tosses them out or gives them away. Don’t expect everyone to want to wear/use your creations or store them forever just because you made them. If you can’t take the rejection, you might go the Etsy route or find some other gift option.

When giving a gift of handwork, it is usually best to stick to something small and simple (ornaments, potholders, socks, magnets, etc.) unless the recipient has specifically requested a large project like a sweater, quilt or wooden chest. See, for example, this article on “The Sweater Curse,” describing the perils of knitting for boyfriends. Also, over time, you will learn who appreciates handwork and who does not.

So, what handmade gifts do I/would I appreciate receiving?

I have an ornament exchange to attend at the end of the month and am considering making a Japanese-inspired amigurumi ornament like one of the following:

• Lion Brand “Santa Mouse” (requires free login/registration to view)
• Roxycraft “Santa Baby”
• Roxycraft “The Gabu” – not technically a Christmas ornament but add a hanging loop and it would be a fun addition to the tree

I have a collection of handmade hotpads that I love (although I am at the limit on hotpads currently).

Scarves/ponchos – I like to make and receive these but there is a limit as to what ends up being worn. Last year, on a dollar-store challenge, I found some great novelty metallic yarn for a buck and knitted it on large needles into a lacy poncho-type drape for my sister. She wore it as part of her Halloween costume this year.

Mittens – I love the “Critter Collection” designs at Morehouse Farms, especially for children.

Leather belt – If this Martha Stewart project comes out as beautiful as the photos, this would be a fun addition to a stylish wardrobe.

My mother-in-law gave me some very cool custom embroidered jeans for my birthday.  I sent her a pair of jeans I liked and that fit well and she zazzed them up with an embroidery design on her embroidery machine.

Combining photos and family memories is a popular and thoughtful gift, too.  Some creative ideas in this area:

• Memory books – upload photos or scanned artwork to create a custom book for grandparents, friends, coworkers, etc.
• Photo cubes – Martha Stewart craft project transforming photos into unique bookend blocks.
• Family tree – Martha Stewart to the rescue again with an artistic template to create a one-of-a-kind original family tree.

One year, I made custom screenprinted long-sleeved T-shirts at customink.com using a piece of my daughter’s abstract artwork. They were a big hit and have been well worn by the recipients.

Another year, my sister-in-law used glass etching to mark the bottom of glass casserole pans with each recipient’s name–for a beautiful and functional gift.

Our nanny made a lovely handmade book with custom story and illustrations for our daughter’s birthday one year, which is a treasure.

There are so many more examples.  My house is full of a lot of handmade objects. Once you get a reputation for someone who appreciates handmade objects, you are more likely to receive a lot of them.

Of course, there is a whole other genre of homemade gifts from the kitchen….another post to come on that in a few days.

What do you think of homemade gifts? Love them? Hate them? Have a favorite non-cooking homemade gift to share? Please post in the comments.

It is beginning to feel a little more holiday-like around our house. We experienced the first real snow of the year this past Saturday, our city held its local Christmas parade and I had the pleasure of accompanying my eldest daughter to a local performance of the Nutcracker.

I made a huge dent in my shopping this weekend too, spending hours agonizing over gifts that hopefully will be appreciated but, honestly, are just as likely to be disappointing in some regard to the recipients. For me, shopping is kind of a fun end in itself. I like to see what is out there for sale, imagine how I or someone on my gift list would use a particular object, and delight in a good bargain. My husband is the polar opposite. He shops with a mission and a list. In and out in five minutes is perfect for him (unless it is the Apple store, the Lego store, or a good bookstore). We have learned to compromise on our shopping expeditions. We try to pick shopping destinations where there is a good “hang-out” spot for him to read or surf the web while I am let loose in a store with my girls.

Holiday shopping is stressful for many people. For some, the financial stress of trying to purchase things for others when one is having difficulty meeting one’s own basic needs is unwanted. For most, the stress of realizing that you don’t know your friends or relatives well enough to select a good gift is the biggest problem. As I was thinking about all these issues, I was reminded of a book I heard mentioned a few years back and decided to give it a read.

Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case for a More Joyful Christmas by Bill McKibben is a quick, non-stressful 92 page read about the history of Christmas and suggestions for how to change the current celebration of Christmas based on ideas popular in the 1840’s to better fit the needs of modern day life.

“I have no ready-made set of directions for how to have a “proper” simple holiday, only the notion . . . that setting a limit on how much you spend may help. . . The goal, however, is . . . to have as much fun as possible.”

–Bill McKibben, Hundred Dollar Holiday

There are three sections to the book. The first is a fascinating, quick history of Christmas, from Saturnalia to the commercial shopping extravaganza of the present. The second section examines how our needs as people have changed since the 1840’s and why the traditions of the 1840’s don’t address those needs. The last section provides some brief examples of alternative or handmade gift-giving and celebration strategies.

While the book is obviously religiously oriented, the religious themes are relatively subtle. The book is not so jam-packed with Christianity that someone from a different religious tradition or an atheist cannot appreciate its insight. Mr. McKibben packs an impressive amount of research into the book and he weaves interesting tidbits of history, environmentalism and economics into his discussion.

The book itself makes a great gift. I purchased my copy used and I believe I have the first printing edition of the book, which comes with a beautiful brown paper dustjacket with gold leaf accents. The Acknowledgements note that the covers for the first printing were made “on a century-old hand-fed press that has been converted to use solar power . . . each copy is, in some sense, an original piece of handwork.”

Some of my favorite quotes from the book are:

“[T]he point is not to stop giving; the point is to give things that matter.”

“A hundred dollars spent on soup for hungry people goes into the economy as surely as a hundred dollars spent on Sport Utility Vehicle Barbie.”

“Since we live with relative abandon year-round, it’s no wonder that the abandon of Christmas doesn’t excite us . . . We are- in nearly every sense of the word-stuffed. Saturated. Trying to cram in a little more on December 25 seems kind of pointless.”

“[T]ime is in many ways our most valued commodity . . . . Our strategy with Christmas, then, has gone slightly awry. We’ve gotten used to spending more money to make it special. But if money’s no longer as valuable as time, we’re offering each other a devalued currency.”

If you need some other more recent voices in support of the “less is more” Christmas, check out the following websites:

• Adbuster’s “Buy Nothing Christmas” campaign
• Amazon.com page for Joel Waldfogel’s new book “Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn’t Buy Presents for the Holidays.”
• Reverend Billy and The Church of Life After Shopping. You can watch the trailer for his “What Would Jesus Buy?” documentary below:

I like the concept of Hundred Dollar Holiday and I think that this year in particular with all of the bargain sales abounding, you can easily give great gifts for not much money, whether handmade or store bought.  Unfortunately, the shopping train left the station months ago in our families and going back now and asking for a $100 total limit is not going to happen. It might be a good challenge for next year, though. We’ll have to take a poll this year and see.

I hope that Hundred Dollar Holiday challenges your holiday thinking a bit whether you support the concept or not. You can easily apply the concept yourself when visiting your favorite blogs. A comment costs you nothing but time and is a treasured present indeed.  ;)

WIshing you a great week!