Aug 252010

I have trouble keeping up with the latest fashion trends, perhaps because I live in Washington where the trend is not to follow any trends. In the last few years, trends have been harder for me to spot and any trends seem especially short-lived. Remember last fall when the 80’s came back for about a month? Leggings and big shoulder pads never really caught on here in Washington.

What is in style this fall? I turn to the fashion Bible, Vogue, for advice. Their fall issue just arrived boasting “726 pages of sumptuous fall fashion.” Fortunately, Vogue has created abbreviated style guides on its website for Fall 2010 ready-to-wear, accessories, and beauty, identifying major trends of the designer fall collections.

Wearing a trend can be difficult to carry off. You want to look sophisticated and current but still authentic to your own style. If you wear a trend in the wrong way you come across as silly, immature and uncool.

Based on the Vogue guidelines (and with apologies to Vogue), I selected the following items from Amazon representing the fall 2010 trends and asked our social adviser, Ruly Ruth, to give her opinion.

The 50’s

Vogue says that the polished style of the 1950’s is a trend for fall with formal dresses and hair.

Ruly Ruth says: Ooohhhh—love the 50’s throw-back; very tres chic with stars such as Gwen Stefani and Christina Aguilera who pull this type of look to modern times. Love the crazy pattern! The heels are to die for!

Clean and simple

Vogue says another fall trend is very simple, clean lines with almost no adornment.

Ruly Ruth says: All fashion right now seems to really be pulling from the past with a modern twist. This reminds me of the ’60s–clean lines, beautiful shape. Simple, elegant color. Need a great body or see Anne’s post on Spanx for this look!

Feathers

Vogue says feathers are a trend, as both an embellishment and as the major component of the piece, such as feather skirts and feather vests.

Ruly Ruth says: This might be my Marine Corps Ball gown this year—seriously! Love the fun detailing–the price is totally right, btw! And with the waist it has a lot of give for those of us that are more curvalicious and not on the 12-week Ball diet!

Velvet

Vogue says velvet is a key material for fall, from velvet evening gowns to jackets and suits.

Ruly Ruth says: I just picked up the fall Vogue fashion magazine in print–and it’s full of dusters and coats. This particular version is not my fave–but the length and the fit is good. Would love more of the brocaded muted tones I saw in the magazine rather than this particular one.

Capes

Vogue says long-drapey capes were common in the fall collections for both outerwear and as trendy jackets.

Ruly Ruth says: Again–the magazine is filled with capes! LOVE capes! Love it even more fitted than this particular item.

Boot-cut Pants

Vogue says boot-cut pants are back in style. I love this look and remember it from the late 90’s.

Ruly Ruth says: I think that it’s an extremely flattering look, and with the new materials it’s looking even better. Check out the latest in the jeans in this cut–and the new materials are light-weight and stretchy and beautiful–on any figure! LOVE THAT!

Long Skirts

Vogue says very long, ankle-length skirts are another trend for fall.

Ruly Ruth says: I already own this type of skirt. Love it! At almost 5′10″, it’s hard to find ankle-length skirts. But I love love love them!! And this one is so timeless! I’ve had mine for 9 years!

Funky Sweaters

Vogue says interesting knitted fabrics were frequent in the fall collections from exotic  sweaters to ornate bobbled leg warmers/shoe booties.

Ruly Ruth says: I have a gorgeous Irish knitted mid-thigh sweater my grandmother made over 12 years ago. I love love love it!! And I had mine the length to wear over leggings–so I’m thrilled that look is back!! I like mine better than this tank, though. The full sweater look.

Schoolgirl style outfits

Vogue says the schoolgirl look is also back for fall.  Ever since I started reading fashion magazines as a teenager I don’t recall a single fall when this hasn’t been a trend.

Ruly Ruth says: Juniors is right! And I remember this being in in junior high–my sis nailed it–always a hot school girl look–but only for a school girl! I think this is voided for moms. Seriously! But all of the cute jr. and sr. high girls–go for it! Love it! ROCK IT!

Orange makeup

Vogue says accents of bright orange were a trend in fall makeup, such as streaks of bright orange eye shadow below the browline and orange lipstick.

Ruly Ruth says: SO HOT! But truthfully better on the teens and 20’s set. High fashion—love it!

Gothic red-black lipstick

Vogue says black, blood-stained lips are a trend for fall 2010.

Ruly Ruth says: LOVE these bold colors! I’d argue it’s been a trend for a couple of years–I have about 4 tubes of an extremely similar color esp. the Victoria’s Secret version–but with more purple in it.

Leopard prints

Vogue says leopard prints are a trend for fall.  One particularly notable look is the short leopard print bootie that makes the wearer look like she has paws.

Ruly Ruth says: SO HOT!  If I were in an office or more urban setting I would so buy these–but in the desert with a 1 year old not going to be using them. Love them!!

What do you think of the above fashion trends?  What trends are you seeing for fall 2010?  Please share in the comments.

Posted by anne Tagged with: , ,
Jul 282010

Vroom Vrooom!! The hours spent on the carpet playing Matchbox cars with my son…and how we all grow up eventually and want….A CAR! Cars can be magical, practical, necessary, beautiful, sexy, huge, over-the-top crazy…..all sorts. And they can be multipurpose: show cars, race cars, minivans, trucks.

As the show Top Gear has become a favorite, we are in love with all things cars! And with shows showcasing how cars are made, specialized factory parts to accessorize our cars (I once only thought of accessories in the clothing sense), we are obsessed with all things car!!

And with this obsession, the new trend is going GREEN. Even on Top Gear, where opulence in cars is the thing, they even showed an over-the-top expensive V8 that was a 4-door sedan. It went FAST! But, as the host mentioned, cars like that are a dying breed with our modern-day obsession with fuel economy. 20 years ago that wasn’t really even a consideration.

Europe has been fuel-conscious for years and years now–the price of petrol being sold by the liter at almost double what we pay per gallon. Only now are we catching the mindset of going farther on less fuel. It’s probably about time….

So now we have the car basics down…..what kind of car do you drive? How did you choose it? And what does that say about YOU?

"Nissan Girls." (in the Nissan Murano). Photo by ronniellew. From the Flickr Creative Commons.

"Flex at the Rennisance Faire with some Faires." Photo by daveiam. From the Flickr Creative Commons.

"Gary Fong photographing Richard Geiger and his new Honda Pilot near Red's Java Hut, San Francisco." Photo by mk94577. From the Flickr Creative Commons.

I am the “soccer mom” people try to advertise to for the most part. My husband is not a fan of the minivan although we both acknowledge the great benefit–plenty of room, mainly! So instead I am one of the masses driving the crossover SUV–we love the look of the big SUVs, but don’t want the minimal gas mileage nor the massive car payment. they come with. So I would say that I’m trying to be trendy yet run on the cheaper side.

Anne and her husband, for their first new car, purchased the redone VW Bug about 11 years ago. It was black and so adorable! Complete with flower vase, for which my sister found the cutest fake flower to fill it with. Can we say super cute Yuppie car??

Catherine and Mark, excellent friends of ours from the UK, were doing a 4-year transfer stint in Maryland. I won’t say what cars they ended up with since they are cars of practicality–but will instead mention what they told me they should have splurged on–a vintage convertible Cadillac! They said only in the states could they have afforded the gas mileage of one of those–and Mark is brilliant with car maintenance, so he could have done most of that himself. I can SO SEE these two toodling around highways–I picture Catherine with some chic scarf around her neck blowing in the wind with large sunglasses on! To cool for school these two are!

My husband and about 8 others on our street drive a pickup truck. They say more millionaires drive pickup trucks than any other car–apparently because you can haul your own stuff and work on your house, cars, etc. And some millionaires obviously use their pickups in their daily business….such as pest control and construction-based businesses.

Then there will always be my friends who love fancy imports! Bring on the Audis, Lexuses (or is it Lexi?), BMWs, high-end Caddies and even Acuras.

The only thing that comes to mind after owning two import cars is HIGH MAINTENANCE COSTS! And a pain to get parts at times—for now, until I move to a big, big city with easy access to the above, it’s not even a consideration for me! These are the friends who will easily drive 2+ hours to have work done on their car…..no thanks! The Ford dealership down the street works great for me! And I can run across the street to the local museum to buy some hand-crafted jewelry and McDonalds for a yummy McCafe drink. (Saving money on maintenance is a relative term in my book!) Although these cars will always be loved, look great, and truly have a panache–which is what they were bought for in the first place.

"The New Ride" (2002 Subaru Forester S). Photo by brockzilla. From the Flickr Creative Commons.

On the import note, my aunt and I own Subarus–and I will say they drive like a dream! But we did get the odd comment that we were the Yuppie Californians driving the Subaru to Mammoth for ski vacations–which at the time was true–we never saw ourselves as such though. Our car was 10 years old at the time–the person who made the comment said that didn’t matter. Which begs me to ask myself if I realize truly what my car says about me……

So now in the comments it’s your turn–what do you drive and what does that say about you????

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , ,
Jun 282010

"Fairmount School, 1711 Massachusetts Ave. Women at Fairmount School in exercise uniforms." Photo by Theodor Horydczak. From the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division.

How many times have you set out to achieve a goal and the first thing you do is look for a group to join?  Perhaps you joined a gym, took a class, subscribed to a blog or created a Meetup or Facebook group.  Groups are a great way to share information, to meet others with similar aspirations and to challenge ourselves by conforming to the group norms.

“The desire to form and join social groups is extremely powerful and built into our nature. Amongst other things groups give us a most valuable gift, our social identity, which contributes to our sense of who we are.”

–PsyBlog, “10 Rules that Govern Groups

This month Ruly Ruth is blogging about motivation in groups–when it’s appropriate, when it’s not, and how it works.

Anyone who knows me personally knows I am a natural-born cheerleader. (Was never one officially–but my personality type leans toward that temperament.) Often this trait becomes a motivator for friends, family, as well as organizations. And more and more it’s being used in said group settings.

People use group motivation for weight loss, exercise groups, support groups, trade and social organizations. The theory behind all of this is an organization–or at least more than one single person–is holding someone accountable–be it for attendance, support, success, or involvement.

Everyone, regardless of how shy or introverted you are or your busy schedule, should be a member of a group. Be it a church/synagogue/mosque, a volunteer organization, a trade organization–whatever it may be–but everyone should join and attend some organizational functions. The level of involvement usually depends on 1) your passion for that organization’s purpose, and 2) how extroverted you are. Usually those of us that are the most extroverted often end up in leadership positions in organizations–we need to make sure that those that may be shyer and more introverted get tasked and are involved. This ensures that all people stay with the group, and often the quieter people have the most to offer creatively and idea-wise. In other words, tap and task everyone!

Regardless of the commitment of a group to its cause, there should absolutely be individual responsibilities and tasks to augment the group’s work. With defined goals, the tasks can be identified to make those goals occur, and then the tasks can be doled out to individuals. The quality and effort going into these tasks has a huge impact on the group’s credibility, face-value (because first appearances are important), and are signs of commitment of the individuals to the group. Amazing results are motivating to other members to do a great job as well.

However, without properly defined goals, any group can go awry. As the eHow article “Goal Setting Group Exercises” states, the group must have SMART goals–specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound. If you can’t define goals in this manner, the group should probably be disbanded.

The other time a group should disband is when few people are involved, or there is no desired leadership at the top. That may seem emotionally painful, but think of it more as an opportunity to join a new group and give your talents to that goal instead.

Or, if another group does not meet your desired needs, it’s time to form your own organization/group! We are doing this right now through Facebook with the China Lake Spouses page. It’s geared to spouses living in the Ridgecrest/China Lake Naval Weapons Station area, and shows people resources and community events for adults and kids in which they can be involved. We started it a few months ago and our “friend” list is growing rapidly. It just shows when a need is identified (in this case it was lack of communication across ranks and communities), it can be very simple (albeit time consuming) to form a solution….in this case, yet another group!

You can probably tell from Ruth’s post that she LOVES working in groups!  I can tell you from personal observation that Ruth instantly forms groups everywhere.  In college, she had more study groups going than anyone I knew and she gained both valuable information and contacts from the experience.

When a group works well it is a wonderful experience.  You feel a deep connection to the group members and enthusiasm for whatever cause/activity you are participating in.  You are motivated to participate in part because you are achieving great things as a group but primarily because you feel a strong emotional connection to the group and you don’t want to let them down.

Yet, not everyone enjoys working in groups.  The downside for many people is that joining a group requires conformity to the group norm. When there is a disconnect between what the group norm is and what you as an individual think it should be, a group can be a dispiriting rather than an uplifting experience.  Especially if you have limited time to contribute to a group, the last thing you want to do is spend time arguing with those in the group about what the group should be doing.  So, when you are thinking of joining a group, look for a group with a strong identity with many people who share your same goals.

As Ruth, mentions, there is also a lifecycle to groups.  A challenge for many groups is how to keep interest in the group going.  Here is where you have an interesting conundrum:

“[G]roups only rarely foment great ideas because people in them are powerfully shaped by group norms: the unwritten rules which describe how individuals in a group ‘are’ and how they ‘ought’ to behave. . . . The purpose of norms is to provide a stable and predictable social world, to regulate our behaviour with each other. In many respects norms have a beneficial effect, bolstering society’s foundations and keeping it from falling into chaos. On the other hand stability and predictability are enemies of the creative process.”

–PsyBlog, “Why Group Norms Kill Creativity

So, while you need the group to build a strong consensus of opinion, at some point, the lack of creativity within the group may result in the group’s ultimate demise.  Group members may be so focused on preserving the group as it is that they are not thinking about the future and changes the group might need to make to be successful in the future.

Research also shows that group members are hostile to suggestions for change from new members and that the same suggestion for change will be respected when given by an established group member but rejected out of hand when given by a newcomer.  If society’s interest in your group in general is changing and your group refuses to change, the only new members you are likely to attract are the small number of people who still agree with your group.  With many groups, it is far easier to just disband the old group and start a new one rather than try to implement change.

So, as you look to groups for motivation, keep in mind the group lifecycle and don’t become unmotivated if your group doesn’t work out as planned.  There just might be an ideal new group out there for you!

What are your experiences with group motivation?  Please share in the comments.

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , ,
May 242010

"Saguaro Cactus at Camelback Mountain," Photo by laszlo-photo. From the Flickr Creative Commons.

This month at Ruly we have been discussing strategies to organize your lawn and garden. Ruly Ruth has left several comments on the posts this month complaining that she currently lives in the desert where traditional plants don’t grow or require a lot of water.

There are many people in Ruly Ruth’s situation. In recent years, a huge number of people have relocated to the “Sun Belt” regions of the United States, taxing already scarce water resources.

So, for this month’s Ruly Ruth post, I asked her to discuss her experience transitioning from an eastern state with higher than average rainfall to the desert.

The joke here in the middle of the Mojave Desert is that there is grass……the housing areas have grass, which when you have kids is a wonderful quality of life!

Our version of evergreens would be sagebrush (not sure I really am up to mass cultivating of that!) And when these sagebrushes dry out, they become tumbleweeds. And if you have seasonal allergies–the dust and dirt and sage parts becomes unbearable during the really windy times which lasts half of fall and almost all of spring….even today is insanely windy here!

The parks we have in this town of 25K–the closest “major” town to Death Valley–are like oases in the desert clime. We flock to them with our kiddos–and the soccer and baseball fields during sports seasons. They are a welcome reprieve for all of us. And an opportunity to burn energy in a positive manner for our kids. Love that!

But we also have rock climbing relatively nearby in the Alabama Hills. There is a weekly B Mountain climb–which is a small mountain on China Lake military base. And as my Facebook profile pic shows–Land Sailing! It’s a 3-wheeled dune buggy driven by a large sail. We got up to a little less than 30 mph on a slightly windy day. Apparently records up to 60 mph have been recorded–I don’t know if I’m up for record-setting, but it’s a lot of fun–and something we can use our local dry lake beds for as they are in pristine condition.

The local museums and environmental advocates are pushing for water conservation. Go figure–with California pulling such massive amounts of water in general, and in an area where water is naturally scarce, it makes sense. So the Maturango Museum in town has desert landscape surrounding it, with a sign saying “Landscaped by Earth”. Presentations on natural landscaping are made almost quarterly with experts telling which plants are best for the desert.

People do have gardens here, with a lot of up-front work, that do quite well to my surprise. A good fertilizer base is crucial, and I’ve heard you actually get two growing seasons here. One from about March to June, and then the heat of summer dries everything out, with plants coming back about Sept-Nov.

We do not have deer, nor raccoons, but loads of rabbits and coyotes, mountain lions and bobcats. My son once saw a “dog” without a collar, ran inside to tell us he wants it as a pet….not happening to his dismay! Rattlesnakes are abundant, with local missiles being named after them. The sidewinder missile is named after that type of rattlesnake. Desert tortoises are unique to the area, and numerous types of lizards. Wild donkeys, aka burrows, are also around Death Valley. Sand spiders and scorpions as well as a variety of common spiders are our local insects, with ants as well. It’s a wild adventure out here!

Unique birds include roadrunners, hummingbirds, quail, desert owls that live in burrows in the ground, and ravens and vultures, as every cartoon shows.

Ruly Ruth "Land Sailing"

It’s a wild, wild west even today! I can’t imagine living here 100 years ago with no air conditioning in summer. We are so spoiled in that respect. It takes some getting used to, but taking advantage of the outdoor activities in the surrounding area, which there are loads, really helps you to appreciate the environment in which you live. And that goes for any environment and climate! It’s summer time—go ride those bikes, hike, run/walk….whatever your mode of transportation, it’s time to GO OUTSIDE! Enjoy!! And in the meantime, I’m going to appeal to our city council to create a Japanese Rock Garden. Wish us luck!

In preparation for this post, I looked around at desert landscaping choices.  There are so many gorgeous and beautiful desert plants, I have a hard time understanding why people don’t look into them for their landscaping choices.  The selection is much broader than just cactus and sand but even if cactus and sand were all that were available, I would love to have cacti in my yard!  Cacti are very sculptural and elegant and I imagine low maintenance!

Why do some people insist on growing lawns in the desert?  Based on the Frequently Asked Questions from synthetic lawn companies, below is my list of the top 10 reasons people insist on growing grass in the desert.

  1. Having grass and greenery helps me feel more at home since it recreates the environment where I just came from.
  2. I want grass for my kids to play on, just like I had as a kid.
  3. I am not familiar with how to plant or take care of anything other than grass, shrubs and other traditional plants and I don’t want to take the time to learn.
  4. I am worried my property value will decline if I don’t have grass because everyone expects grass in a yard.
  5. I want grass for my pet.
  6. I love the smell of fresh cut lawn in the summertime.
  7. Grass helps to lower the temperature and natural grass is cooler than synthetic.
  8. Lawns help prevent erosion and provide a “sponge” to soak up water.
  9. Green plants, including lawns, soak up carbon dioxide and provide oxygen.
  10. I just like the way it looks.

When you review this list, you see that there is almost no logical justification for having a lawn in the desert.  If you need a lawn for kids or pets, you can use synthetic grass.  If you are concerned about oxygen production or soaking up runoff water, there are a ton of other plant choices that will also do the job.  If you just want a lawn because you like greenery, there are many other types of drought-tolerant plants that might do the job better.  It is hard to replace the smell of fresh-cut lawn but if you experiment with native plants perhaps there is a native scent to your area that you prefer.

A lot of desert gardening is not really about lawns and aesthetics but rather about the psychological adjustment of living in a new place.  (The AZ Plant Lady has a great post called “What Planet Have I Landed On?” discussing her transition from California to Arizona and her new passion for desert landscaping.)  Every place on earth has its benefits and its drawbacks.  In our “have-it-all” society, nobody wants to admit that their home has any deficiencies.  Grass and lawns have become part of the American ideal.  Giving up grass is a step toward being different and out of the mainstream but also part of creating a new (and perhaps even better) reality for yourself.  But to get to that new and better place, you have to be ready to embrace change.  For many people, that is the toughest part.

How attached are you to your lawn? Would you be willing to give it up for native plants?  How have you adjusted to a change in your natural environment?  Please share in the comments.


Posted by ruth Tagged with: , ,
Apr 162010

President Gerald Ford and First Lady Betty Ford in the living quarters of the White House, Washington, D.C. (1975). Photo by Marion S. Trikosko. From the Library of Congress prints and photographs division.

Home Sweet Home.  Our homes are one of the most personal statements about ourselves.  It is the haven we retreat to–our shelter from the big, wide world.  Ideally, your home is the place where you are the most authentic version of yourself, where you can let your hair down and relax.

When your home houses not only you but your mate or your children, there can be conflict over the home decor.   While stereotypes tell us that home is the province of the female and that only women care about home decor, experience tells us that men have very strong opinions too about what goes into a home and especially where money is spent.  Some of the common tensions found between men and women when it comes to home decoration are:

  1. Masculine versus feminine designs.
  2. Traditional versus modern.
  3. Color.
  4. Money.  Men and women have different ideas about what is worth spending money on.  While a woman might love an investment in expensive draperies, for example, a man might prefer to spend that money on a surround sound system for the TV or an automated sprinkler system.

This music video captures the universal male-female dynamic in a brilliant and humorous way.  My favorite line is, “So if relationship conversation slips into a discussion about silicone caulk,  that’s ok, it’s just the way that men and women talk!”

HGTV’s Designing for the Sexes is a decorating show where a professional designer is brought in to resolve decorating differences between couples.  The differences between couples when it comes to decorating style can be dramatic.  Take, for example, the titles of some of the episodes:

  • “Moroccan versus Retro Backyard”
  • “Sports Bar versus Elegant Family Room”
  • “Warm and Cozy versus High-Tech Kitchen”

Who could possibly resolve these differences?  It takes a special designer to be sure, one who has a command of both masculine and feminine design preferences.  The first host of the show was Michael Payne, a man who is always impeccably dressed.  A short radio interview with Mr. Payne is below.  My favorite part of the interview is at the end when he describes his own home remodeling project with his wife as the “House of Payne.”

For a real-life (and somewhat unusual) example of how a husband and wife decorate as a team, we turn to our favorite social columnist, Ruly Ruth:

“Visual Spatial Orientation”–the art of arranging objects within a defined space. This applies to the physical organization of items in a 3-D environment…..aka interior design as well as the organization of physical clutter–i.e., papers, notebooks, books, toys, etc.

Some people are phenomenal at this art. I am not. This is one of my least perfectionist areas. To say the least….color selection, patterns, lines are not so important to me….no wonder I never took art classes.

Meet my husband and me. My husband is a USMC helicopter pilot–he is my polar opposite. He is EXCEPTIONAL at visual spatial orientation—he can easily picture and work in a 3-D environment. Visual concepts come very easily to him. In our family, he is the physical organizer of all things—furniture, toys, books. He HATES this part of his job and often gets very frustrated and wonders why I can’t do it like he can. He can look at something, and figure in less than 5 minutes the best way to place objects. I can try my best and mess around and won’t come close. Some military families are able to have the wife move the family and pre-arrange the house. I’m so bad at this that when my husband was gone and my kitchen was driving me crazy, I had to call a girlfriend to come redesign things for me. It was exactly what I wanted and I LOVED it! (Thanks, Amber!) She was paid in dinner and wine, by the way…the cheapest, best advice ever!

However, we seem to be more the exception than the rule. Traditionally, home design was marketed to women. We, the females, seemed to mainly choose the furniture, patterns, design of the home. The true home-makers. Although with HGTV and other such channels, we are seeing the influx of men in the design field and their expertise and insight added to the “female” point of view. We’ve even seen more masculine design stores pop up.

It took a few years and couple of moves to finally relinquish what I thought should always be the female’s job: interior design and organization. Once I accepted my downfall in this area, it made life much better in the sense that I could ask my husband in advance to do whatever the given task was. (The more advance planning given, the better the outcome I’ve decided.) Also with his wood-working and furniture-building skills, this has become a really good combination.

But then there are still the women that can decorate and choose interiors like no one else on earth. My friends Caryn and Cherie–mentioned only in alphabetical order since both are so phenomenal at this. They describe colors in words I use for food. They talk about couches and sizes and colors and lines of furniture as if they were couture clothing. And even “Look at this cute little guy! Love him!” (To describe a custom-designed chair.) And obviously in their relationships they are both (wisely) the dominating decorators. Hats off to them!

I suppose my Ruly Ruth challenge for the month of April is to get everyone to evaluate their personal decorating skills. And see if there’s truly a passion for this in their lives, or if you’re like me and have more of a fleeting interest. And for those like me whose interest needs a spark, I challenge us to keep reading Ruly and refresh ourselves with different decorating styles and ideas. Maybe even implement one!

Have you experienced design conflicts with your spouse?  How do you resolve them?  Please share in the comments.  Have a great weekend!

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , ,
Mar 192010

"The comforts of matrimony - a smoky house and scolding wife." Engraving by Robert Sayer (1790). From the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division.

Money is a flash point in most marriages. Conflicts over money occur in good times and in bad but many marriages right now are incredibly strained because of financial decisions.

Adding to the economic woes is a broader trend of gender role changes in marriages. Who is the breadwinner any more? Joe Peck’s editorial in The Atlantic has raised a few eyebrows with its dire predictions of the societal impacts of the recession.

The weight of this recession has fallen most heavily upon men, who’ve suffered roughly three-quarters of the 8 million job losses since the beginning of 2008. . . . In November, 19.4 percent of all men in their prime working years, 25 to 54, did not have jobs, the highest figure since the Bureau of Labor Statistics began tracking the statistic in 1948. At the time of this writing, it looks possible that within the next few months, for the first time in U.S. history, women will hold a majority of the country’s jobs.

In this respect, the recession has merely intensified a long-standing trend. Broadly speaking, the service sector, which employs relatively more women, is growing, while manufacturing, which employs relatively more men, is shrinking. The net result is that men have been contributing a smaller and smaller share of family income.

–Joel Peck, “How a New Jobless Era Will Transform America,” The Atlantic, March 2010.

Why is money management so hard for couples? At a macro level, it seems so simple. Each partner should chip in a contribution for the basic expenses and share in the excess funds. Suze Orman gives a good explanation here.

But why isn’t it this simple?

Often the basic problem is that the couple doesn’t have enough money to fund all of their desires. Then it is not merely a conversation of budgeting and accounting but a difficult negotiation about who will sacrifice a dream and who gets to indulge. It is always hard to tell someone, especially someone you love, that they can’t have or be what they want because of a lack of money.

The Medians

If our fictional family, the Medians, were to apply Suze Orman’s advice about splitting their money among 3 accounts: his, hers and ours, their current budget requires that all of the money go in the “ours” account, leaving nothing for individual needs. Suppose Mr. Median’s goal is to eventually get a new flat screen TV, add a deck on the house and buy a new car. Suppose Mrs. Median’s goal is to update her wardrobe and hire a personal trainer or maybe she wants to stop working so she can stay home with their children.

Maybe they both have decided that life is short and they want to enjoy it now. Is it OK if they each charge up secret purchases on credit cards? When they finally have “excess” money in their budget how should they share it? Should it be a strict 50/50? Do they take turns funding their respective goals? There isn’t one answer and a lot of complex emotions involved.

How does a real life couple address these issues? Ruly Ruth shares with us.

My “BFFs” on Bravo’s “Housewives of Orange County” are showing us that even in their elite worlds, money and spouses clash/have problems that mirror all economies of life in this crazy financial era. Lynne’s husband hid from her the fact that they’ve been going under for some time now—-crashing to a horrifying halt. Ending their stay in their gorgeous home, and placing them in a condo to rebuild their lives. Even Lynne admits on the show, “We’ve been living beyond our means.”

A 2003 Reader’s Digest poll “How Honest are Couples, Really?“ found that the most frequent form of dishonesty in marriages was the amount each of the partners was spending.

From clothing purchases to haircuts/dye job costs, a new video game, even how often and where we eat out for lunch, are hidden all the time from spouses. In the grand scheme of things these items seem and may be trivial and unimportant. But when budgets are tight, an $80 blouse or even a $20 Walmart splurge can almost break the bank, especially when a couple’s main goal is working to reduce debt and increase savings.

So this brings us to two questions:

1) Why do we buy/splurge on something we know our spouse won’t be happy about? Is it because we don’t realize the price of the item until we reach the cashier? On rare occasion, yes–but the vast majority of time we DO know the approximate or exact transaction price before we pay for an item or service. So why do we still do it?

2) What can we do to reward ourselves without breaking the bank/budget? (Since often shopping is a known temporary stress relief–yet can cause marital stress once the trip is over.)

Part of the problem is education of the other spouse and appreciation of the desired object. For example, my son has a “Cars” polyester inexpensive $35 comforter. My husband was not thrilled when he learned that it was time to upgrade to a new all-cotton queen-sized comforter for about $100. (For some that would be the basement model.) Until he went to Walmart and researched online for himself would he believe me, and allow said purchase. By the way, this convincing took over two days. So I can see if you found this item for $75, which to me would be a great deal, that you would jump on it without taking the time to educate your spouse, that you would go ahead and buy it and pretend you spent $50 or whatever dollar amount would be acceptable. (I am NOT saying you SHOULD do this–just simply stating that I understand and am probably guilty of this in the past myself.)

On the flipside, my husband has wanted a welder and had to explain to me the variances and options of what is turning out to be a spendy purchase. Apparently a butane torch and a piece of metal are not all that are required!

The other issue that goes right along with this is the unwillingness of spending time on said object by the other spouse/partner. For example, my husband doesn’t mind shopping for my son’s bedding, but he does NOT want to go through a mall with me for a new ball gown or new outfits. This is unproductive to him–he’d rather “throw money at the problem” as our Uncle Jimmy would say, than spend his own time researching ball gowns and garment lines. Therefore he doesn’t always understand what makes a $300 dress MUCH better than the okay $150. (By the way—I settled for the $50 post-pregnancy-not-sure-if-I-can-wear-it-again one this year–just wait ‘til next year, honey!)

So—what do we do now? How to alleviate these purchases that cause marital discord….or at least mitigate the sticker-shock? COMMUNICATION! My husband recently told me after 11+ years of marriage he would rather we spend $25 or $100 more on an item we agreed upon rather than me snatching up a “deal” without letting him know about it first. Prior communication would be ideal, but in this world of instantaneous communication via texting and email, it’s very simple to notify your spouse of the unplanned purchase.

However, probably the best idea would be to talk each week (like we try to) and discuss how many lunches out we plan to have, what gifts we need to buy, and any incidentals that are beyond the typical household requirements. Maybe those incidentals can wait until a sale comes around, or at a later time when maybe a bill is paid off fully. This is my Ruly challenge to our readers—communicate with your spouse weekly and see if it makes a difference in your spending. I hope it does! Let us know how it goes.

How do you rate your communication skills with your spouse about money? What lessons have you learned about the marital checkbook? Please share in the comments.

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , , ,
Feb 242010

Four Miss America candidates: Jacque Baker (Miss Iowa), Linda(?) Mead (Miss Mississippi), Sharon O'Neal (Miss Kansas), Suzie Jackson (Miss Arkansas) / World-Telegram & Sun photo by Al Ravenna. From the Library of Congress prints and photographs collection.

Perfectionista: A woman who shows a level of perfection in one or more aspects of her life.

I don’t have average friends.  All of my girlfriends show levels of perfectionism somewhere in their daily lives. For example, I have friends who are perfect about their hair, makeup, clothing, housework, children, cooking, art, photography, career, and interior design. But I will say that not one of these amazing women is perfect at all of these things all of the time. Thank goodness!

It is energizing to be around people that are perfect at what they do. Average, is well . . . boring.  Friends that are amazing at their careers always have fascinating tales from their jobs and industries. I love being seen at lunch with my impeccably dressed girlfriends. I love to get perfectly made homemade arts and crafts from my domestic perfectionistas. My passion for food and cooking mirrors several of my friends—we LOVE to cook, eat, and share special ingredients we’ve found. For me, that is bliss.

Being friends with perfectionists is not always easy.  If you are the jealous type, there is a lot to be jealous of.  Competition can be fierce, particularly in two key areas.

Appearance is often the number one jealousy-inducing factor–the prettier you are the more envy you induce.  Among my friends, there tends to be two general trends in appearance strategies.  Some women work very hard on their physique and sport a lean, trim appearance.  Others focus on clothes, hair and accessories.  Both are gorgeous!  It is the rare person, however, who pulls it all together with a perfect body, hair, clothes and accessories.

The second major area of competition among my friends is houses.  Both men and women can develop house envy.  Where women focus on details like granite countertops, cabinetry and furniture, men zero in on the size and functionality of the garage, the outdoor barbecue pit and the size of the TV.  House envy isn’t always a question of money, though.  It is more about the time and effort invested in the result.  Creative decorating can still give you that perfectionist wow on any budget.

I have remained good friends with all my perfectionistas probably in large part because I am not the jealous type.  I don’t want to be these women or even have all the skills that they do.  I just want to be associated with them–to be surrounded with excellence in the hope that maybe some of it might rub off on me.  It also gives me a great network of experts to draw on.

Perfectionistas have a variety of personality types but tend to fall in the following categories:

  1. The introverted perfectionista. This person is usually very detail-oriented and has encyclopedic knowledge in their areas of expertise.  Often the perfectionism is rooted in the home setting or personal pursuits like hobbies or crafts.  Rarely will this type of perfectionista focus her perfectionist efforts on appearance. This perfectionista will have great ideas but is often afraid to volunteer them.  If you take the time to work to draw out the ideas from this perfectionista, however, you will be richly rewarded!
  2. The extroverted perfectionista. More often you will find that this type of perfectionista is focused on appearance and the home.  Brand names like Coach and Pottery Barn are more important to extroverts.  The extrovert is motivated by social interactions but doesn’t fear them the way an introvert might.
  3. The know-it-all perfectionista. None of these perfectionistas are my friends and it is very hard to be friends with them.  The superior attitude and the superficiality of the relationship are hard to overcome.  Often these types of perfectionistas are the first to flee should any hardship befall you.  They are there for you in the good times but the imperfectness of any sadness or disaster is too much for them to bear.

Embrace your inner perfectionista!  I challenge all of you to find your areas of perfection and to apply them in a positive manner to your life.  If you do this, I believe you’ll find a new passion for life, have more confidence and look forward to meeting others that offset your perfections.

Joi de vivre, perfectionistas!

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , ,
Jan 202010

Ruly Ruth at one of her many parties



While having goals for your social interactions is a bit of an odd concept, some recent experiences have reminded me that we can all use a refresher in the basic rules of human behavior.  For 2010, I have come up with a list of anti-goals– the don’ts we should all avoid to build more bridges than we burn and to energize our social groups with more positivity than negativity.

  1. Don’t create cliques. When involved or living in a tightly-knit community or social group, invite everyone! Small social gatherings are a really fun time, but when everyone except 2 or 3 are invited, it becomes more of a clique than a social group. Not cool and hurt feelings abound. In my experience, it all works out—err on the side of more invitees.  If there are people you don’t like, they will be dwarfed by those you do and their presence will not “ruin” your event.  If you’re worried about food/drink expense, make it a potluck or BYOB with specific suggestions! I’ve recently attended a cocktail party where we each brought an hors d’oeuvre and a martini in a flavor we each chose. (Mine was pomegranate, by the way—highly recommend that one!).
  2. Don’t have “third party” social networking conversations. Do not hold a conversation on a third person’s social networking sight when it’s only with one other person who you may not have “friended.” Bring that to your own site. I’ve now seen this happen three times—two on other peoples’ sites and once on my own! Get off my wall if you’re not holding a general conversation! Especially when it’s a confrontation. OY!
  3. Don’t forget to RSVP. It’s on there for a reason. Even if there isn’t an RSVP, a courtesy email either yes or no is very helpful. Evite does help with managing this matter with it’s requisite emails reminding you to RSVP. I’ve often been a “maybe” pending a travel trip or a visitor heading my way—but most of the time those maybes turn to nos. So in the future I’d recommend erring on the side of No if you’re in the Maybe/not sure category.
  4. Don’t be shy. Try to accept as many invitations as you can! Even if the invitee is not necessarily a close friend. People like to meet new friends and interact with new people too. Some will be flops—that’s the world of parties/events etc., but some will be what I call Silent Sparklers—maybe the last place you thought you’d meet your next job connection or someone special. And always thank the host/hostess on your way out!
  5. Don’t take the hosts for granted. If you know of a big event being planned, offer to help participate in the planning or event itself. Chances are your help may not be required, but even the smallest tasks can often be handed off with a huge sigh of relief from the host/hostesses/coordinator. (Note: If you are the host and people do offer to help, have a list of small tasks ready to hand off, ex. bring ice, help invite people, etc.)
  6. Don’t complain about an event if you did not help plan it. Only offer suggestions if you are willing to help with the next event! I can’t make this clear enough! 20/20 Hindsight is a goldmine for all of us…..we don’t need the peanut gallery chiming in with complaints when they are not willing to pick up the ball themselves.
  7. Don’t send your invitations out at the last-minute. Get information out early enough!! That last minute “Oh, could you plan/invite/make…” for something tomorrow???!! Seriously—you need to cue people with as much advanced notice as possible. A week is desirable—a month is delightful!  A last-minute invitation also makes people wonder if they were on the “B” list and are only being invited because someone from the “A” list is not coming.
  8. Don’t email important invitations and don’t distribute them at work. Events that occur once a year or once in a lifetime demand an old-fashioned mailed invitation! Email is just not the same and ruins the tone of the party.  For work-related or work social group invitations where your spouse or family is invited, mail the invitation to the home address!! Work places can get busy, frantic, chaotic. The last thing someone needs to worry about at work is inviting their spouse to a social event.
  9. Don’t forget to help with cleanup. When at someone’s home, help clean up. Even if it means taking 1 or 2 dirty plates into the kitchen. As a guest, any help you can provide is a sign of gratitude for the meal/tea/coffee you’ve been served. And make sure kids’ toys are replaced in their proper spots before leaving. Small gestures speak very loudly to the host/hostess. They are greatly appreciated.
  10. Don’t forget the significance of a mailed thank you note. While any expression of thanks is welcome and appreciated, try to mail a hard copy thank you note for any significant event you attend.  Including pictures from the event is extra thoughtful.  A quick email or Facebook message is convenient but does not leave the same impression.  It is definitely better to email or Facebook than nothing, however.  (I need to take my own medicine here and remind everyone of the Ruly post on thank you notes!)

I hope that you don’t recognize yourself in any of the above don’ts but realistically we are all guilty of at least some of these things some of the time.  Resolve to do better in 2010!

Is there a social faux pas you want to see remedied in 2010?  Please share in the comments.

(P.S. from Anne: A reminder that all commenters can receive a Ruly thank you note if you email your address to info@beruly.com.)

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , , ,
Dec 162009

According to some, I am the “Queen of Parties.” I truly love going to parties and I host plenty of my own get-togethers too. I know at least a dozen people I could call right now to invite to any kind of celebration. I have a running list of quick foods and appetizers I can prepare and I can make small talk with anyone and have a great time doing it. To me, a party is not a stress. It is just fun.

Some might be shocked at the pace of my social calendar. Since mid-November, I have planned and attended the Marine Officer Wives of the China Lake Marine Air Division’s pre-Marine Corps Birthday Ball cocktail party and the Marine Corps Ball itself, a monthly wine club tasting dinner I’m a member of, Thanksgiving turkey sourcing, my son’s 3rd grade Great American feast potluck, my son’s piano teacher’s concert, the Marine Air Division Kids Holiday Party, our squadron’s adult Christmas party, as well as our annual Kids Party for the squadron where Santa arrives on a helicopter. (And that is the very best thing of all!)

Anne tells me that not everyone is this social and asked me to give some survival pointers to those who are less enthusiastic about attending formal parties, specifically, the office holiday party.

First, why have an office party at all? It’s not like we don’t see each other every single day of the entire year. The reason is to get to know one another on a different level. During one holiday party dinner, two gentlemen I was sitting with had worked in the same industry for over 20 years together. For the first time in all of those years, these two men discussed extensively their antique car collections, muscle cars and races and all things cars. They never knew each other’s passion for this subject. And I learned a lot about cars that evening. It’s always fascinating to see what other people’s interests are outside of work. And the best way to do that is the office party.

At another party, I discussed with a coworker of 5+ years, golf. It turns out he competed extensively all through high school, was the member of prestigious golf clubs in the southern California area, and gave me start-up tips and even helped me select my clubs. (Which are fabulous, I must say!) I NEVER would have found this out (or it would have taken MUCH longer) just in a normal work environment. So when you attend these parties—sit by someone you don’t know and learn something about them. As you can see, being open to learning something new and asking a lot of questions are some of the secrets to great conversation.

The first thing you need for a good office party is someone that WANTS to plan it. I will never forget Karen and Lori—who for one Halloween maximized a small budget and decorated our conference room to the 9s!! It was so much fun! The company sponsored pizza and soda, and people brought a dessert to share. So send out an email asking for a volunteer(s) to plan the event.

Don’t just randomly assign the party planning to someone who may or may not want to do it or the person or position who “always does it.” The energy of a good planner (or better yet, a planning committee) translates into all aspects of the party and has a big impact on whether people want to attend and whether they will have a good time. I find that a three to four-person committee works best for party planning with a coordinator (to oversee, keep everyone energized and promote the party–this is usually me), several artistically talented folks to help with decorations and invitations, and of course, a good cook to organize the food. A side benefit of a planning committee is that you have more people invested in the party who will then attend to show off their handiwork.

Office parties don’t have to be complicated. A party can be as simple as making reservations for lunch out of the office at a local restaurant. A change of scenery does wonders for morale! The restaurant does not have to be expensive either–a local diner, local chain restaurant or even fast food restaurant all can work with the right planning and promotion.

Potluck is also a common office holiday party tradition. Potlucks are great because they are cheap (or even free) and also offer built-in conversation starters (“Yum! This is delicious! Who made this?” “What’s in this?” “Someone else loves ____ as much as I do?!?”) At one company I worked for, everyone was asked to bring their favorite food for the potluck. While we enjoyed many delicious and lovingly-homemade foods, there were also pre-made deli plates and, most famously, one friend brought literally 15 cheeseburgers from Burger King to add to the menu.

Entertainment is key! Yes, there must be an activity/game, something that will bring people out of their shells. (No groaning, please!) If musical chairs or limbo are not your style, read on for some other suggestions. At one company I worked for, we had great fun with a DVD exchange. For those of you not schooled in the “exchange” system, I will review the rules. Everyone that wanted to participate bought a DVD, wrapped it and then we each drew numbers. #1 gets to pick first, then #2—and you can steal the other person’s DVD if you liked that one better. Usually the 3rd owner of the DVD keeps it and it can’t be stolen after that—and at the end of the game #1 gets to steal any DVDs that haven’t had 3 owners at the end of the game. Hilarity ensues as everyone argues over the best presents. A great DVD gift item from that party was Phil’s—he bought the movie Ratatouille, added a bottle of inexpensive French wine, and included a recipe for Ratatouille. Very clever! New kids’ videos were also a hot commodity. I ended up with “Knocked Up”—very funny movie if you haven’t seen it. In place of DVDs, a white elephant could be done instead where anything—good/bad/ugly can be wrapped. That can be an absolute hoot! Last year at one party I received a broken ceramic rooster. That’s a keeper for sure!

Also company trivia (or any trivia) contest can be good. One company nicknamed their database Claven—after Cliff Claven (the know-it-all) on Cheers. Or a raffle of 5 or 10 low-priced items, like movie tickets, Starbucks $5 gift cards–small things that are fun to receive and use and make people interact with each other.

If you are not very excited about going to an office party but you have to go, what can you do personally to make the experience more fun? Show up with a positive attitude. That’s the best thing ANYONE can contribute—because after all, someone has gone to the trouble to plan this event. Whether it’s any good or not is most dependent on the people who show, and the attitude they bring. Fun people can trump a bad menu, lack of entertainment, whatever problem may arise. So enjoy yourself! Usually these are just once a year!!

What are your favorite office holiday party memories or ideas? Please post in the comments.

Posted by ruth Tagged with: , , , ,
Nov 112009

Whereas the 11th of November 1918, marked the cessation of the most destructive, sanguinary, and far reaching war in human annals and the resumption by the people of the United States of peaceful relations with other nations, which we hope may never again be severed, and

Whereas it is fitting that the recurring anniversary of this date should be commemorated with thanksgiving and prayer and exercises designed to perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding between nations; . . .

–June 4, 1926, Concurrent Resolution of the U.S. Congress establishing Armistice Day, reprinted at “History of Veterans Day,” U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs

Today is Veterans Day in the United States– a sobering day to reflect on the sacrifices made by many for the cause of freedom and to reaffirm our commitment to world peace.  Ruly joins the nation in remembering soldiers who have lost their lives in conflicts recent and past and those who have made and continue to make sacrifices large and small to serve in our armed forces.

Ruly also recognizes the spouses and family members of those serving in the military whose own “service” to the nation supporting our military is as important.  Today, Ruly announces a new monthly feature, “Ruly Ruth.”

Ruth is the spouse of a military service member and is perhaps the most social person I know.  She is a classic extrovert and makes friends everywhere she goes.  Ruth is also one of the most energetic people you will ever meet and is impossible to forget.  I am proud to claim her as my sister.  Ruth’s role here at beruly.com is to share tips and advice on bringing order to your social interactions.  We will toss her the tough questions about difficult social situations from a personal and business perspective.  She will share experience gained from the working world (as a former mining engineer and an MBA), from her life traveling the country as a military spouse and as a mother of two young children.

Today, in honor of Veteran’s Day, I asked Ruth to share with us some of her insights as a military spouse as well as tips for how we can honor and remember our veterans.

There ought to be a boot camp for military spouses.  Being a military spouse requires physical, mental and emotional toughness.  I can just see the challenges now….alone, with two children in tow, your assignment is to: 1) fix the car, 2) handle a medical crisis involving you or one of your children, 3) dispose of a dead bird, mouse and iguana in your home (or call the neighbors in a screeching voice and beg them to do it for you), 4) volunteer to watch your neighbor’s children (you owe them for the extermination services), 5) bake cookies for a school or military social event, and 6) serve as the communications hub for your spouse, your family, your spouse’s family, your friends and neighbors and other military families. As they say in the military spouse world, as soon as the service member leaves (whether on wartime deployments or peacetime training exercises), that’s when everything falls apart—and usually within the first 3 weeks!

Of course, the indescribable fear that a spouse may be killed or injured in the performance of their duties is one military spouses have to suppress and do our best to ignore on a day-to-day basis.  Yet, this fear is all too real sometimes.  Unfortunately, a close friend lost her husband in a helicopter crash the last week of October. Her Facebook page reads: “My husband, my best friend, my hero….how do I go on without you? Thank you all for your prayers!”  We don’t choose who we fall in love with and spouses and children have to be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice too in terms of losing a treasured family life, picking up the pieces and moving forward.

This is why I ask you to honor Veterans Day, a day to honor those who serve and have served in the United States Armed Forces as well as the families behind those service members.

Whether your employer gives you the day off of work or not, I believe all of us need to start a new tradition for Veterans Day with the involvement of ALL family members. I am providing a list in true Ruly fashion of some ideas that each of us can do. Some are very quick and only take a few minutes, some require months-long commitments, but all are extremely worthwhile both to the recipient and the giver.

1)     Send a card/drawing/letter to either a retired veteran or spouse living in an Armed Forces Retirement Home. Unfortunately, some of these residents are without family, so any correspondence is greatly appreciated:

Washington, DC – 3700 N. Capitol St. NW,
Washington, D.C.  20011-8400
Gulfport, MS – 1800 Beach Drive 
Gulfport, MS 39507

2)      Send a letter or care package to a deployed service member. Some organizations require you to “adopt” a servicemember for the duration of their deployment, just an fyi. Below is a small sample of the organizations involved in such projects:

Marine Parents Care Package Project
Cards for Soldiers
USO Care Packages
U.S. Department of Defense, Community Relations
Give 2 The Troops

3)      Fly the American flag! And here’s a great site on the proper rules accompanying our flag:

4)      Make sure any neighbors–especially spouses of deployed service members with children– have a place to go for Thanksgiving. Many of us are living away from our own families and would welcome the chance to form a new “family” with those that live near us.

5)   If you live near a military base, many have programs so that those that are single can go eat with families in the area. It’s a chance for these guys and gals to relax and have a home-cooked meal IN A HOME!  Call the base information number, and ask for the PR department.

6)      Go to a local cemetery and walk by the graves marked with flags. Those are the veterans who have served our country with pride.

Most importantly, please take a minute to thank a veteran this Veteran’s Day.  I can tell you from my husband’s experience that this sentiment is not sappy or ridiculous and that most members of the military will receive this thanks with pride.  My thanks to all who have supported our family as well!

Ruth

For readers in the Fredericksburg, Virginia area, an additional way to honor and remember service members killed in Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom is to attend or participate in the “Run for the Fallen” shadow 5K event this Saturday, November 14, 2009 at 8:30 a.m. starting at the downtown library on Caroline Street.  This event is hosted by CrossFit Spotsy and additional information can be found here.

Inspired by the courage and dedication of our military service members, may we all strive to make the world a better place for people in all nations.

Remembering especially today:

Robert L. Holt (CWO4, U.S. Air Force)
Kyle Van De Giesen (Capt., U.S. Marine Corps)
Gregory Fleury (Cpl., U.S. Marine Corps)
Dale Griffin (Sgt., U.S. Army )
James R. Taylor (Col., U.S. Army)

Posted by anne Tagged with: ,
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